Outflow: Challenge of the Week: Uplifting Others

In the book "Creative Visualization" by Shakti Gawain, there is a chapter on "Outflow" where the reader is asked to put forth positive thoughts/actions/compliments to others.  So my challenge to you (and myself!) this week is to purposely seek out ways to compliment/uplift others.

Some things I thought I'd try:

• Send a card to a friend for no reason other than to thank them for something that they've done for you or just because of their enduring friendship.
• Give a stranger a compliment every day.  (I often THINK to do this, but then I hesitate or feel awkward.  I'm going to change that and give at least one stranger/compliment a day)
• Giving my kids positive reinforcement/thank you for things that I have started to take for granted.  I am going to tell them something that I appreciate about who they are as a person and not JUST things that they've done.
• Thank some of my online supporters personally and publicly/privately for being an encouragement/support.
• Encourage my daughter and her husband by saying positive things about them and their relationship in their first year of marriage.
• Encourage my kids friends
• Post something encouraging about an online friend once each day.
• Buy an inexpensive gift/gift card to send to someone for no particular event/reason.

AND, because learning to love myself is part of this whole process, I'm going to say something nice to myself every day as well.  

What are your ideas?

I'm sure I'll think of more to add to the list, but that's off the top of my head.

Creative Visualization in Practice: My First Time using Shakti Gawain's techniques

As I posted yesterday, I read the book "Creative Visualization" after a few months of really feeling that the positive thinking area is where I needed to focus my attention to make serious changes in my life.  Today I did my first guided meditation, using the methods of meditating in that book.  It was a lot mroe intense than I expected.

STRANGE.  

Or it was the subliminal 'stress relief' audio.

At first it was really easy, relaxing.  I did the grounding exercise and found it really easy to visualize the roots going into the ground, but I couldn't visualize the connect through the head/universe thing.  

I finally just left that and started on the energy points.  That felt easy.  Just hitting each energy point and feeling it come 'on' down, then up, then back down from head, throat, chest, midsection, pelvis & feet and then up again.  That felt so easy and 'right' that I used that whenever I found myself being distracted.

I started out with some of the affirmations, 

Infinite riches are now flowing into my life

Everything is coming to me easily and effortlessly

I have a firm, sexy body

As money/financial stress is the biggest stress in my life right now, and I believe it has had a huge impact on my weight gain (constant stress fatigues the adrenals) that is my MAIN focus.  I need that stress gone so that I can get healthy.

Then I started visualizing having $2,000.00.  Extra, unexpected money.  I counted it in my hands, showed it to the kids, posted about it on livejournal and on my blog.  I then tried laying it out on the table and kept feeling blocked, so I went back tot he energy points for a while, then came back and laid the money out on the couch and counted it.  I used half of it to pay back part of a loan and half to pay bills and felt SO MUCH RELIEF.

I then watched my husband as he went about his day and saw him finding money in random, unexpected places. On the ground at the gas station where he stops to get gas, on a sidewalk, on the floor of the mail truck, odd places. Once it even floated onto his windshield as you were delivering mail.  Some loose change, some dollar bills, a roll of money that had a twenty and a ten dollar bill in it.

Then I remembered about finding the 'safe place' or whatever it was called.  I found myself sitting on the beach watching the kids play in the ocean with you sitting beside me.  I felt deeply content and at peace.

Then I remembered that I had wanted to have my secret place be a secluded waterfall :) so I started to go there instead, but then suddenly (this is really really weird) my husband and I were in a basket type thing (like in a hot air balloon, but on a zip line instead) high in some tropical mountains and I FREAKED OUT in the basket.  SO much so that my first thought was to jump out because surely death was preferable to feeling that much fear and anxiety.

That was SO strange to me that I decided at that point to not have a secret place right now and I went back to the energy points again.  I did that over and over until I felt calm and then went back to seeing you at work.  I ran my hand over your shoulder and visualized heat and healing to your shoulder ...

Holy god this sounds so freaking weird... seriously.  This is WEIRD to write, but its what my brain did, so I want to write it down.)  Never having done this in a purposeful way before, I just let my mind go where it wanted for the most part as I tried some of the exercises that I remembered from the "Creative Visualization" book.

Anyway, I visualized running my hands over my husband's head, down the back of his head and over his shoulder.  I did that over and over for a while and it felt so real that I started to wonder if he was feeling it. :)  I can't tell you how much I want him to be pain free (he has an old shoulder injury that has nearly disabled him).  I spent a bit of time there, trying things that seemed helpful.

Body Imagery

Then I visualized myself, starting at my feet and working my way up, then stalled so I started at the top of my head.  I visualized my skin smoothing (almost like photo editing:), extra fat melting away, spots melting away, muscle definition showing up.  I started from the top and worked my way down and then back up the backside.  This seemed to take a while and felt really difficult at times, but once I refocused, I was able to finish the whole process.

And now my mind just blanked.  I don't know what else happened.  At some point soon thereafter I just started feeling anxiety and stress, so I just brought myself out of that state and got up.

The cat was meowing, so I let her out and felt incredible amounts of stress so I locked the door.  It felt very weird, so I came back to our room to write this out before I forgot.  I turned off the subliminal stress relief and typed this up.  

That's where I am.  I feel excited to see the effects of this process.

--

Putting The Power of Positive/Creative Visualization to Work

I have been thinking a lot about positive thinking, purposefully trying to change my attitude about my body, especially, but also in my life in general.

I'm going to work through the exercises in the book "Creative Visualization" by Shakti Gawain by typing them up into a blog post once a week.  I am going to change my negative thought patterns around myself, my body, finances and health... and blog about it as I go.

First Assignment:  Figure Out What Your Goals Are (Write the first thing that comes to mind)

Career/Work:

Become a certified personal trainer

Sell my art

Money

Have more than enough to sustain our desired lives comfortably

Have abundant finances, allowing me to help friends and those in need

Lifestyle/Possessions

Own working vehicles and everything in our home and in our yard is working effectively and efficiently

Change morning and evening habits to include relaxation exercises (and cut out alcohol 5-6 nights a week)

Relationships

I will have an intimate, passionate, deeply loving relationship with my husband

I will have a close, deeply loving and respectful relationship with my children and their friends and partners. They will feel comfortable coming to me for advice on anything.

Creative Self Expression

I will create amazing works of art, the medium I choose will flow perfectly and make people feel wonderful and at peace when they look at them.

My house will be my colorful, peaceful and relaxing sanctuary for myself and my family.

Leisure/Travel

I will have a wonderful vacation alone with my husband on a beach in the perfect climate.

Our family will have an amazing fun and adventurous tropical vacation together.

Personal Growth/Education

I will learn/read/absorb everything I can about utilizing the powers of positive thinking, creative visualization and changing my mind and attitude towards things in life.

I will learn the best way to help myself and others to get in the healthiest state of our/their lives.

Phew!  That was actually kind of enlightening.  I really just wrote in a stream of consciousness and some of these things came out and I read it and thought, "Huh.  I didn't realize THAT would be my answer."  I set myself a limit/goal of two per category, but feel free to write whatever or however many you want.  Just type or write without thinking too hard... let it flow.

Share your goals in the comments if you like.

Just Because I've Decided to Love Myself NOW, DOES NOT Mean That I'm Giving Up.

I think that although I haven't 'given up' on an aesthetic ideal by any means, I HAVE decided to focus more on my mental/emotional side AND getting stronger/building muscle FIRST. I want to give myself time to heal from my disordered thinking and self loathing that I've suffered with for most of my life. I deserve better. I've made it my goal to lift heavy 4 times a week or more for six months solid, and THEN worry about aesthetics again if I want/need to. The muscle will help a LOT with fat loss, and having the time to learn to love myself will help me feel better in every way.

I used to always think that if I could just get thin enough FIRST, THEN I could learn to love myself. Too many failed attempts (and even getting lean!) didn't help me love myself. I think I had it backwards and I have nothing to lose by loving myself first.

So here is my priority: Stronger, Healthier, Learn to Love myself. Revisit in a few months to see where I am.

I'm tired of the habit I've had of always thinking that "I will love myself when I lose x amount of pounds".  No.  I deserve to love myself NOW.  I wouldn't want my children to think that way, and I don't deserve to feel that way any longer either.  Neither do you.

Weight, Size, Self Image... Now & Then

I am ASTOUNDED at how much the numbers don't bother me anymore.

For shits and giggles, I looked up my BMI. Because I have so much muscle, I knew it would show me as overweight, but I was surprised to see that it considers me not only OBESE, but I'll have to lose FIFTEEN more pounds before I'm "just" overweight. I have always found the BMI scale to be ridiculous, and this is just affirmation. I may be overweight, but the hell if I'm obese. Bitch, please!

Anyway... it just made me shake my head.

Speaking of "weight" I BENCHED 100 pounds TEN TIMES last night!!! I had to take it back down to 95 for my last two sets of ten, but it was pretty much supersets with less than 10 seconds rest, so I was going to TOWN, baby!!! Actually, I saw that the guy had left weights on the bar and I forgot that the bar weighs 45lbs, so I was thinking I'd just do a warm up set. When I lifted it, I thought, "Damn, this feels heavier than 55lbs!" and it wasn't until half way through the set that I remembered the bar weight :) I thought I was being a total weak ass.

So now I'm up to 100 lbs for at least one set of ten in dead lifts, lat pull downs, cable rows and bench press (probably decline bench, too, but I'm not sure). 

I feel SO STRONG, PEOPLE!!!

I found this skirt in my closet and posted an old pic on facebook. Friends were saying, "wow, you've lost weight!" and then I had to say... um, no. Old pic. Anyway, then I was curious as to how different I'd look in it now. 

The photo on the right is from January, 2011. I weighed around 140 pounds (I'm 5'5") and was wanting to lose 'those last ten pounds', but I was happy with my body. I was teaching pump & Zumba, working out 5 times a week and eating clean at least 80% of the time.

In June of that year, after an INCREDIBLY stressful few weeks, I suddenly started gaining weight like crazy, in spite of no changes to my workout routine or my eating habits.

Less than a year later, I had gained 70 pounds and I was miserable, exhausted, my joints ached and I just felt like crying ALL THE TIME. After trying everything I could think of, I finally started trying the medical route. I had no insurance, so it was hit and miss. I was patronized and treated horribly by some doctors. Some doctors refused to test my thyroid because they were convinced that I just needed "to exercise more and stop eating junk". THEY WOULD NOT HEAR ME.

After another 9-10 months of searching, I finally found a doctor who listened... actually listened and he put me on Armour thyroid medicine. The weight did not drop off, BUT all of the other symptoms disappeared. My joints stopped hurting, the unbearable fatigue stopped and I had the most important thing... HOPE.

I have been working out since mid January and I am getting back to it. I am still 50 pounds heavier in the second photo than I am in the first, but I am on my way, and this time my strength is the goal, not being "thin". Because I'm building muscle this time around, I don't think I'll get back to the old look exactly... I'm hoping for some muscles in those arms! I want the biceps and shoulders... and I am on my way!

Measurements... I've lost 19 inches. Damn.

Well, I went to take pictures today... even though its still over a week away from my 'scheduled' 30 day progress pictures.  I mainly wanted to do it because I have been FEELING so different.  I've been feeling like I'm a lot less "fluffy" and I know I"m gaining more muscle and feeling stronger.

Anyway, the photos didn't impress me compared to last month's photos.  I didn't see ANY changes, and what I did see just depressed me.  I am still depressed that I've gotten this far off track.  THEN I went and compared them to my STARTING or "before" pictures.  That was a little more impressive:

I'm not estatic, but I am proud of the fact that I AM changing my body and getting to where I like it more!  I'm more comfortable in my skin... and that's saying a LOT!

ANYWAY, thankfully I took my measurements BEFORE I looked at the pictures (because that was a bit depressing for me to see, even with the changes, I don't like looking at myself that closely!).  I've lost a little over 19 inches.  It isn't quite THAT amazing, because for SOME odd reason that I can't explain, the last time I measured, I had gained inches in a lot of places, even though I had lost weight.  I don't know...

Here are my measurements:

My body fat % has gone down a lot as well, and I can definitely FEEL a difference.  My weight is going down... and honestly, I'm not hitting it as hard as I could as far as fat loss.  For me, quitting grains and quitting drinking was a HUGE, huge thing.  I'm glad that I've quit and it doesn't have a hold on me.  I have to see that as a HUGE victory.  At the end of my 3 months, I want to regroup and plan to get serious about the HIIT cardio and then I'm sure I'll see faster changes.

For now, I'm going to be okay with slower fat loss (than I expected) because I'm THRILLED with the strength training.  I'm thrilled that I'm gaining muscles and getting stronger.  I'm amazed to see the fat coming off without losing much of anything else.  I'm happy with my progress, I just have to remind myself of that every once in a while.  I'm not one of the "12 week body transformation" type winners this time.  Its okay to do what I can, because I AM DOING A LOT!!!

I really hope that I can get to a place in the next two months where I am happy to put on a swim suit, but that's not my be all, end all goal.  I want to make this a habit that I do even when I don't *feel* like it.

I want this to just be my routine.

I'm going to get better about posting my workouts.  I promise!!!  I'm increasing in strength, I'm adding new workouts, its awesome.  I FEEL like I should be seeing more of a change, but for now, I'm feeling good about the changes that I do see.

• I can lift more
• I don't feel so sore that I can't move for days anymore
• I am sleeping well at night... 
• My clothes are fitting better
• I don't feel all bloated and gross like I did most of the time before... 

its GOOD.  I'm making PROGRESS.

Now I just have to work on my emotional self!

Week 3 Check In Results & Workout, Transformation: Phase 2

Week 3 (My 21 Day Check in) 

Weight 202 (down from 210)  Lost 8 pounds!

Body fat 39% (down from 40%)  Lost 1%

NON Scale Victories?  Why, yes, I have those, too!

• I haven't had even an ounce of alcohol since I started this challenge, and I have been so focused on my health, I haven't even wanted it!
• I have been sleeping really well
• I have managed to catch myself when I'm beating myself up or being negative and I've stopped the thoughts in their tracks.  (Sometimes this takes a bit, and sometimes it doesn't "stick" really well, but I'm on it!)

I'm starting phase two a week early.  I am a little weird about things  and I wanted to get my "months" within actual months.  I know, I'm strange.

Anyway, I've made up a chart for tracking this workout that puts everything together so you can easily see your progress.  This is from Jamie Eason's Live Fit Trainer on Body Building's site.  I just made a few tweaks, mostly because I need to be careful of my back and I don't want two full leg days as my legs are already bulkier than I'd like.   I made copies for my family members who are doing this with me so that they can keep track as well.

Last night was our first workout on Phase 2.  Both my husband and my sports loving 17 year old son went to the gym with me last night, even though we went right  after the Super Bowl started!  That's some dedication, right there!

I had to do assisted pull ups.  I needed 115 pounds of assistance!  Ugh!!!  BUT, that just ups my determination.  I will be able to do some unassisted pull ups by the end of this 12 week challenge!  I was actually sore by the time we left the gym, and was definitely feeling my lats this morning!  Yay for a great workout!

Then... I'll need new goals!

Anyway, I just wanted to share my workout with you... I've been keeping up and doing well!

Don't forget our February Squat Challenge!  I'm keeping up with that, too!

Day #16: Back & Biceps Adding New Workouts, More Weights...

Day #16:  Back & Biceps  Adding New Workouts, More Weights...

I have to admit I'm feeling a little discouraged from time to time.  I know that I'm improving, but its kind of depressing at the same time that I can't SEE anything.  Then again, yes, I actually can feel a difference when I put on my jeans.  My belly is definitely less... bloated.  I think its that time of the month again, so I'm just feeling extra sensitive to everything.  I HAVE lost weight, but even losing 6-8 pounds and I'm still heavier than I've been before 2012.  It is really difficult for me to adjust to being this big.  I am struggling with feeling *good* about my progress... although I do vacillate between being totally thrilled that my muscles hurt and I know that I'm pushing myself and then feeling like I'm not doing ANYTHING.

Have I mentioned that I'm a teensy bit of a drama queen?  

And I might (just might) be a little bit black & white in my thinking.  

Source: startnow.stockphotosweb.com via Byn on Pinterest

I MUST keep this in mind!!!

And in my case, I think I'm harder on myself, so much so that I might not even notice before friends do!

But, I've managed to NOT pig out, to NOT get chocolate and instead I've stuck with my gym workouts.  I've managed to still keep tracking on my google drive document, and it feels great to see my improvements over even just a few weeks.

I'm planning on keeping this weightlifting workout and adding just a little, increasing my weight gradually.

My thoughts for Phase Two is as follows (not necessarily in any order):

1. Back, Biceps & Abs
2. Legs & Abs
3. Shoulders, Chest & Triceps
4. Full Body Workout (Tabata Style)
5. Rest Day
6. Full Body Workout (Choose one from my Pinterest Board)
7. Rest Day

I am also adding a daily challenge for myself in February.  My goal is to get myself moving in short spurts throughout the day, rather than letting myself get used to sitting on my ass all day before a nice hard workout.

*Daily Challenge  (Get February's Squatting Challenge Here)

Day #11: ASStastic Workout (oh, and some abs and legs, too)

Tonight is my Lower Body Workout Day

I am definitely a *Pear Shape*... or a mesomorph (& endomorph??) body type.  I tend to be muscular, and I gain muscle easily, but at this age, I am definitely far too good at gaining fat as well.  At any rate, when it comes to working out, I definitely want to build my upper body.  My lower body is definitely holding onto plenty of weight, but even now, a lot of it is muscle.

When I was at my most fit, my legs were thick.  There wasn't a lot of fat, but they were big.  Even at my lowest body fat, my calves were still 15 inches and too big to fit into pretty much any boots (and I love boots!).

Anyway, when I go to build muscle, most of my focus is going to be on my arms, shoulders, abs and back.  My legs can wait... or at least take it easy.  The one area of my lower body that I do want to work on?

That right, ladies, the ass.

Source: skinnyms.com via Byn on Pinterest

I can't tell you how much this shocks me.  Growing up, I always had ample ass--age.  I was called bubble butt throughout my childhood, and through my twenties, I still had the ass.  Even in my thirties.  Somewhere in my 40's, it left me.  Did I not appreciate it enough?  I don't know.  I always assumed it would be there.  One day I flipped to the side in Zumba and caught my reflection in the mirror and thought, "WOW!  These shorts actually make my ass look flat!"

Over the next couple of weeks, I started to take notice... my ass was GONE!

So, now that I'm been getting back in the swing of things, working on my goals, I definitely want my ass back!  As a matter of fact, the other day I was perusing my "Fitness Inspiration" board on Pinterest, and my 14 year old said, "Why are there so many butts on your page?"

Because that is where my lower body focus is going to be.  My husband isn't into boobs.  He isn't one to start drooling or getting that glazed over look when a woman with big boobs bounces by with a plunging neckline (even if its ME), but he certainly likes a nice back view.  This isn't the only reason I want my ass back, but I have to say, it might lend a little extra motivation for me.

All this to say, LOOK AT THIS AWESOME, or should I say ASS-SOME (hahaha) WORKOUT I FOUND!!!

That's right, ladies and gents, tonight, I'm going to work on my back view.  I'll let you know how hard it is to sit and stand tomorrow :)  Have a great workout!

Source: thehautebunny.wordpress.com via Byn on Pinterest

Workout Day #3: Legs & Abs

Yesterday's workout was for legs and abs.  I have to admit, it was really frustrating for me to have to skip any of the workouts because of my back.  I was really struggling to not beat myself up over that.  I think I did okay, though, I just had to continually remind myself that I'm doing more than I did a month ago, and I build muscle fast, so I can DO THIS.  I WILL see a change!

Due to our crazy schedule of hauling kids places, I only had 10 minutes for cardio.  That was a little frustrating, but I will get our schedules figured out and plan better.  That was totally my fault!


Day 3
1/15/2013
Time  
Cardio Recumbent Bike 10 min @5
Legs/Abs
Hyper Extensions SKIP
Horizontal Leg Press 120x12 140x12 140x12
Leg Extensions 50x12 40x12 40x12
Leg Curl 40x12 40x12 40x12
Seated Calf Raises SKIP (because I don't need more muscle there at this point)
Cat-Abs Work (4HB) 6x6 6x count of 6 breaths
Abs (other) Ball Crunches 12

I ate well, had my two Isagenix shakes with a little extra protein (a handful of raw spinach in each shake) as well as one egg, two egg whites and 1/4th a cup of cottage cheese for breakfast and an omelette for my other meal.

I feel good.  I feel like I'm getting stronger and I'm sticking with my plan!  I am keeping track of all of my workouts in a google spreadsheet.  

I can't wait to see how far I've come in another month!

How do you keep track of your progress??

Rewards for Reaching Goals

How do you reward yourself for reaching weight loss/fitness goals?

In the past when I've set goals, I always had trouble with rewards.

I don't want to reward with new clothes, because I plan on continuing to shrink!

I don't want to reward with food because I'm trying to get out of the mindset that food=reward.

So, I've decided to set some short term goals, and make a list of things that I would like to reward myself with.

GOALS By the end of January:

• 90 second plank
• 10 push--ups
• 30 minutes on elliptical HIIT without dying :)
• 35% body fat (I'm at 40% right now and OUCH, does that hurt!!!  I'm not sure how attainable this is, in 2 1/2 weeks but I need to start somewhere!)

Reward:  Hair Cut!  (I haven't had a professional hair cut since... my 40th birthday a year and a half ago!  I always cut it myself, but right now it looks crappy)

Future Reward Ideas:
Take a burlesque fitness class
Take a pole dance fitness class
Buy a new workout dvd/set (T-Tapp is one I really want, Insanity, etc.)

I got my new body fat analyzer today. At his request, I got my 17 year old son's results and said, "Well, that's pretty good..."

"For a GIRL"

He just laughed, but as I was walking back to the living room when he yelled out, "Wait! A HOT girl?"

Lol.

Ten Days Down. Let the Planning Commence!

So my husband, Patrick aka Personal Trainer gave me ten more days of down time for my back to heal.  Then I can start PiYo.  And get back to my TOTALLY AWESOME BODY TRANSFORMATION!!!  I hope to be strong enough by the end of the month to add in weights and other cardio.

My plan is to have a plan.  Deep, right?  I know:) I'm using Jamie Eason's fat loss workout plan from the Body Building website.  It is laid out in such a way that you can print out the workouts to keep track of your weight/reps, etc.  I'm excited to have something so well laid out.  I also plan on doing PiYo and extended stretching at least three times a week as well.

3 Month Goals!

*Beginning January 15, 2013

(vague until I am healed enough to get a measurable starting point)

• Increase flexibility (I'll set actual measurable goals once my back heals and I can see where I'm starting from!)  This is a big one for me because I have never been flexible and I know it is a big factor in my injuries.  I want that to STOP!
• Lower body fat (I ordered this electronic body fat analyzer today and I'm really looking forward to seeing how my body fat % is going down as I work out!)
• Lose 25-30 pounds.  I know this is a somewhat high amount, but I have at least 75 pounds to lose, so I don't think its unreasonable.  After the first 3-4 months, I plan to focus even more on strength training and developing those habits, but I really need to get a good portion of this weight off so that my joints and my back aren't under so much pressure.  
• Increase Cardio:  I want to be able to do 30 minutes (not counting warm up & cool down) on the elliptical with resistance/incline HIIT and not be dying at the end!  I'm starting at no resistance, no incline and doing just 30 minutes of that is tiring!  I want to improve this hard core!
• Increase Weights when lifting AND be able to do: 
• 3 full pull ups (I'm super pathetic in that area right now, but its very important to me to increase my upper body strength!)
• 10 pushups (no knees)
• 2 minute plank
• 5 Turkish Get Ups (weight TBD)
• Improved Nutrition:
• Isagenix:  EITHER one 9 day cleanse each month, or one 30 days cleanse to start.
• Cut wheat out entirely for the first 3 months
• Cut out refined sugars, HFC & MSG completely.
• Limit grains

Coming Soon!  My Six Month Goals

*Once I'm about a month or so into my first 3 months, I'll set definitive goals for the end of June

My husband and I Feb. 2011

**My 19th anniversary is at the end of June!!!  I want to have a formal party on our back deck and I want to look and feel fabulous when I celebrate with my amazing husband!  So some of my goals may be vague, but I want to have plenty of energy, I want to feel GREAT about myself and what I've accomplished... and most of all, I want to feel sexy:)  I mean, what could be better for celebrating 19 amazing years together?

Day #8-9 of my Awesome Transformation: OUCH!!! Sidelined!!!

Damn it!

Good News:  As of this morning, the Scale is moving DOWN!  I need to weigh at the gym to be sure, but my (somewhat out of whack) scale at home is down more than 5 pounds since last Monday!!!  I actually can't wait to measure tomorrow!

Bad News:  I was tooling around yesterday, being productive around the house.  I almost had the laundry caught up and I was in on my bed, pulling off the fitted sheet... I had just stepped up on the mattress and K came up behind me to scare me, just as I pulled and twisted just *wrong* and I felt a 'pull' in my back.


At the time I thought, "oops, that is going to hurt!" but I had NO IDEA how bad it was going to be. OUCH.  HOLY SHITBALLS!!!  

Last night I sat in my freezing cold room with an ice pack on my back for two hours and it was still hurting.

This morning I could barely get out of bed it hurt so bad.  Walking, sitting, standing, adjusting myself on the couch = HUGE AMOUNTS OF PAIN.  Damn it.

So much for working out.  Before I actually tried to move this morning, I was thinking, "Oh, I can still go to the gym, I'll just work out my shoulders and arms or something.  I'll just avoid using my back/core.  Um... No.  I feel a huge strain on my back doing ANYTHING.  &#$(@*^&)@#^$%#&@_$#  I was doing SO WELL.

Surely this will be better SOON, right?  I really wanted to enter the www.bodybuilding.com contest for body transformations.  I guess you can enter between now and January 31... I want to do this.  You don't have to buy anything to enter, so why not?  I could use the extra motivation!!!  Now, to see if Patrick is up for helping me *that* much!

What do you do for motivation?  What do you do to get past an injury?  I'm trying not to beat myself or be frustrated with myself for being so easily injured.  This is the last year that I am going to let myself be weak and out of shape.  From here on out, I am going to be the "Beast" that my son thinks I am!!!

Day #5 of my Awesome Transformation: Insomnia Improving!

Insomnia:  It still took me a while to get to sleep last night, and although I woke late this morning, I felt like I had ACTUALLY SLEPT.  That is huge.  I still had tons of dreams and some of them were a little bothersome, but I slept!  Yay me!!!

Then I woke up to two huge piles of dog shit in the house because my kids all slept in, too.  No, I didn't just wake up to it, I STEPPED IN IT.  I must say that its a testament to the fact that I must have slept pretty freaking well, because stepping in a big pile of cold dog shit first thing in the morning didn't elicit either yelling or cussing from me.  Not even under my breath!  

Having big sweet dogs that apparently don't feel like they should wake the kids to let them out has its downfalls.  I think I'll scrounge around for alarm clocks for the kids for Christmas, because that was gross.

Working Out:  *emailing whenever with my P.T. a perk of being married to him?

Me:  What are we working on today? Just wondering.  I was going to plan on a PiYo either this afternoon or before bed...
Patrick:  Plan a strength-centric PiYo.  I'm going to make you hate me through the vehicle of cardio machines tonight :)

P.T. knowing when and how to best kick my ass?  A downside to being married to your personal trainer?  Or a perk?

I'll report back on how badly he kicks my ass later tonight.

For now I'm focusing on Goal Setting and Tracking Progress.  I'm trying to find the best way to track my progress, to make sure that I'm actually keeping up with things and paying attention to progress.  I am measuring every Tuesday.  I weigh every morning, but my scales are very crappy and can vacillate within 5+ pounds within the same two minute period, so I don't hold much with those.  In addition to that, though, I want to make sure that I track my strength as well.  A month from now, I want to be able to look back and see how much stronger I am... how much longer I can hold a plank or how many more reps/weight I can do with a particular exercise.  Being able to see progress is HUGE for me.  It is one of my biggest motivators.  After all, who wants to kick their ass day after day for nothing?  Not me.

Tracking:  I'm trying to decide if I want to stick with an online program like Fitocracy or Spark People, or if I just want to create my own printable workout logs and chart them on my own.  I like the idea of an online app, but I don't like the lack of choices when it comes to work outs.  Maybe I just haven't figured them out yet.  What do you use?  In some ways I'm almost partial to pen and paper.  I can always upload it into a google doc or something.  I don't know.  I can't figure it out!!!

I'd be happy with THIS size, and this was after I'd already gained nearly 30 pounds when my metabolism crashed on me.

Secondly, I'm trying to figure out What My Goals Are.  Because I don't have much of a clue.  I want to get back to my prior 'fit' state, but I don't know how to quantify that.  I also don't know what kind of time frame to put on any of it.  This is so confusing!  I definitely need goals, though.

For now, I'm going to make my Top Five CHANGES that I want to make:

1. Drink at least four 52 oz. glasses of ice water every day
2. Take my supplements EVERY morning
3. Eat protein within 30 minutes of waking every morning
4. Stop drinking alcohol & Change bedtime routine/habits and learn to sleep without it.
5. Stick with exercise plan set by trainer and PiYo/Yoga at least 3-4 times a week, either for strength or relaxation before bed.

What are your goals?  If you don't have any set in stone yet, what changes do you want to make?   Let me know in the comments, and link to your blog if you're blogging about health, fitness, nutrition or weight loss!