How I am Healing my Metabolism...

No matter what *diet*/workout plan I have followed, I have always been on a mission to find what worked for ME... sometimes obsessively, often times unhealthily, but always searching for the answers that would ft MY body. All the while not even LISTENING TO MY OWN BODY, but trying to force it into some mold that promised the answers/look I wanted.  I mostly avoided photos when I was "fat", so I don't have a lot of range... but these photos encompass over a decade... looking at them now, sometimes I know I felt like I was MUCH bigger than I was, and I wish I could have just appreciated life instead of always feeling like I needed to be "fixed"... its frustrating to me that I'm STILL fighting that need to fix my body to LOOK better instead of just trying to find a healthy place...

It wasn't until I was forcefully downed with several health issues and overuse injuries that I was finally able to STOP and start listening to those who had already been there and had been trying to help me along the way. 

After several months of "refeeding" and trying to heal my metabolism by STOPPING the insane "Diet Train" I was on. Weight lifting and learning to eat enough to fuel my workouts and my daily activities. It has been a struggle! 

Yesterday I was feeling horrible and crappy about myself, my lack of progress and just feeling generally ick. I KNEW it was in large part because I haven't been sleeping well, I am bloated and PMS-y, but I was really feeling down and decided to post here and be real.

The support I got, both in comments and private messages really helped a lot. Knowing that I'm not alone in this is a really good thing, and I'm glad I started this page. The reminders that I'm doing this in a far different way this time than ever before caused me to go back and LOOK.

I AM making progress. Yes, it is SLOWER than I would like... but slow and steady is more likely to stick with me this time, and in the long run, I'd rather have slow and steady! Anyway, I looked at some photos and realized that although my changes have been minimal the last few months, I have come a long way since the beginning of the year. I also know that I'm tired and cranky and need to get back to my smoothies, because that made me feel SO much better. I am going to keep working and ignore the scale, the mirrors and anything else until this PMS/perioding phase is over this month. Then I will take photos and reassess. 

I have to admit that these pictures depressed me a little bit. I still have SO much bloating in the stomach area... messed up eating for decades really screwed with my metabolism (imagine that), but I AM healing that, so it is OKAY. 

It is not the end of the world, and within a couple of months, it will all be gone, healed and healthy. My back is DEFINITELY changing a lot, though, and I am definitely getting stronger. My legs are changing, too, but since I only have this little camera that won't work on a tripod because the battery keeps falling out, you'll have to wait for that!

But most importantly, my emotional and MENTAL self is healing.  A lot.  I am getting better.  I am getting stronger.  I can lift heavier things, and I can fight off those annoying voices in my head that want me to be miserable, that want to beat me up for not fitting my 'perfect' image.  

I am HEALING.  It is a good thing.

Listen To Your Body. One of Many Light Bulb Moments as I Learn to Live, Eat and Move (and Lift Heavy Things! :)

EPIPHANY TIME: I do not know it all. *gasp*

As you may know, I've been sick this week. I laid in bed almost SOLID (couldn't even sit up without feeling like I would pass out/my head would explode) for two whole days and nights. I didn't feel hungry at ALL and only ate a cup or two of my Greek yogurt each day around mid-afternoon, when I remembered that food existed, and most of the time I slept. Towards the end of day two, I started craving oranges. 

ORANGES??? What? My FIRST ingrained reaction? I told myself I didn't need that many carbs/sugars/whatever because all I had been laying around doing nothing.

Then I realized that I was still in the habit of gut reaction thinking that food was a "treat" or something that I earned. Instead, I listened to my body and asked my husband to get me some oranges... then added in a little bit of a panic, "OR just some Vitamin C!" (Yeah, I'm still not quite there!) 

He replied with, "Oranges, they're better for you."  He knows allll about my brain and my issues with food, so he brought me oranges. Over the next couple of hours, I ate three. THREE. And it was okay, and that was a big deal (yeah, I've struggled for decades with disordered thinking when it comes to food and my body image!).  I savored each one and it was like I'd never even tasted an orange before.  I could almost hear my body saying, "THERE'S what I'm talking about!" :)

Then, when my 15 yo daughter came to me and said, "I'm not feeling well (my same symptoms), I know I HAVE TO eat, but I'm not hungry. What should I eat?" 

I was able to say... "Listen to your body. If you're not hungry, don't eat. Your body knows what it wants. Just rest when you feel tired, and when you're hungry, we'll get you something to eat. Keep water by your bed, keep at least sipping on it and let me know if you need anything." 

I slept through the night and woke up feeling at least half way normal. Yesterday I ate yogurt again, an apple and almond butter, a little bit of steak AND had another orange.  My appetite was back at least a little bit!

And my daughter woke up craving... Oranges. :)

Silly emotions and preconceived notions. Our bodies know what they need. Start listening. Stop blocking that voice because of what you're heard/read or because of what you think you know!

Day #10: Sick Day/Rest Day

So today was supposed to be leg day again.  Both Patrick and I spent the day with runny noses, plenty of sneezing and plenty of Kleenex.

For the good of our health, we took a rest day.

I spent the day resting, boosting my immunse system with liquid vitamin D drops.  I got them from my Chiropractor, mainly for my one child who is in public school to help ward off illness.  He's already used it a few times and it seemed to work wonders at fighting off that feeling of *doom* that you get right before a full blown sickness.

I'm living by this mantra right now (well, this is one of many) And boy, do I feel SORE!

What motivates you?  DO you have a favorite saying?  

I love Pinterest for inspiration.  As silly as it might sound, I find it motivational to peruse for inspirational sayings and motivating photos.  I keep a Pinterest *Fitspiration* board just for that.

If you have an inspirational blog/tumblr/pinterest, please share in the comments, I'd love to follow you... I can never have too much motivation!

Source: fitsugar.com via Byn on Pinterest