WHOA: Eye Opening Conversation about my "Low Carb" Atkin's Diet Days (How NOT to raise kids with a bad self image!!!)

When my kids were younger, we used to live on the road.  We lived in a 40 ft bus and traveled the US for about three years.  I painted and etched on motorcycles at rallies for our income and we stopped and explored the country between those stops.  I remember it as being an amazing adventure.  The rest of the family does, too...

I am second in the back row, I'm even wearing a bikini.

Our home, sweet home.

Today I was talking to my 18 year old son about Krispy Kreme donuts (I don't know why it came up, we talk about everything) and I said, "Oh, I remember back when I did the Atkins low carb diet years ago.  I went with no grains, no sugar and ate pretty much only meat and vegetables for 2 years."

**Note, I have always remembered this as my "Skinny" time.  I thought I was just FABULOUSLY happy with my 'thin' self.  I wore a size 3-5, I thought I was doing amazing things and I only had another ten pounds or so to lose...and I would be 'happy' (of course).  People always told me how fabulous I looked for having five kids, etc.  I also didn't exercise at all.  Nada.  My back always hurt.  I couldn't sleep then, either, but I was THIN.**

And yet I still have hardly any photos...

My son looked at me and said, "Was that when we lived on the bus?"  (Remember, he was 6-8 at the time!!!  This was TEN YEARS AGO)  When I nodded, he said, "Oh my god.  I remember that.  You were SUCH an UNPLEASANT individual then!!!"

I was... shocked.  I couldn't believe that he not only remembered that time...

but remembered that I was that unpleasant because of my DIET.

He was 6-8 years old, and his memory of me for those years is that I was always in a bad mood and angry and unpleasant... because I "couldn't eat anything fun".

Wow.  That was eye opening.  So I looked thin, yeah.  I felt pleased with my appearance because I looked skinny and wore a small size.  But my kids remember me as just being unhappy.  

And in the end... I ended up getting a "treat" of Krispy Kreme donuts for my birthday after two years of "being good"... and I binged.  I ate most of the BOX of a dozen donuts.  Then I ate more.  As I told him, 

"I not only fell off the wagon, I think I ate the wagon, too, because when I came to, there was no wagon anywhere to be seen..."

In the years since then, I did find that I do best eating less grains, little wheat, and sticking with very little sugars.  The grains seem to make my digestion feel cranky if I eat them a lot and consistently.  Sugars tend to give me headaches and make me tired.  I have stopped labeling them as "good" or "bad" and I can have them in moderation now without beating myself up and without needing to eat everything in sight and surprise... they don't affect me negatively when I don't binge on them!

I do better with more protein and less carbs.  I still eat plenty of carbs, I just know that I need to pair it with protein if its in the form of refined carbs.  Instead of setting some strict diet dogma to follow, I am just paying attention to how food makes me FEEL.  I eat what makes me feel best (and I DO need carbs... and plenty of them if I want to have energy to workout!) and even at times eat things that don't make me feel the best, but I enjoy the food, enjoy the company and enjoy celebrations without 'rules' and without 'cheating'.  It has been life changing.

The most important thing, though, is that I'm developing a HEALTHY, SANE relationship with food.  And my body.  Is it always easy?  No.  But its worth it.  The changes might be slow, but they're coming. 

The best part?  My kids are seeing that I'm on a healthy path.  I'm much more stable emotionally.  I can participate in desserts and celebrations without inhaling everything in sight or without being near tears and cranky because I won't allow myself to "cheat".  They go to the gym with me, or join us for PiYo on the back deck.  They see that I'm taking care of myself to be healthy, instead of beating myself up trying to some form of "perfect looks"...

My son and I this summer... my beast of a workout partner 

(although at that time, I was benching as much as he was!)

I like to think that I'm having a much more positive impact on them... and on myself.

Results are awesome, yes, 

but the journey counts.

A lot.

Raising Children with a Healthy Self Esteem, Positive Body Image and Self Confidence

I have five very different children.  Five children, who, for the most part are very self assured, have very positive self images and healthy views of their bodies.

My two boys, 14 months apart, the one on the left had been to the gym maybe 10 times at the time of this photo.  The one in the right has been into sports his whole life and spent the last semester in weight lifting at school.  They are both proud of their own accomplishments, even though they are built so differently.  They were complimentary to each other, even though they are both highly competitive.  This was a BIG "win" in my book!

I've purposefully raised them from the get go to be individuals and to be proud of their OWN individuality.  We have always talked very openly about our bodies, body types as well as nutrition and exercise.  We've always been very open about body changes/puberty, periods, PMS and hormones.  We talk about sexuality and attractiveness.

I find it ironic that in my most recent journey towards both physical AND mental fitness... that I've started realizing that all of the things I've told my kids from the very beginning are true for me, too.  (I know, it shouldn't be rocket science, but I had a lot more baggage to get over than they did).  I am not different than them, I don't need to starve myself or 'wait until I'm lean and fit' before I'm worthy of acceptance.

If I wouldn't talk down to my children the way that I talk down to myself... why do I think its okay to talk to myself that way???

Things I've told my children that I need to learn.

• We all have different body types.  None of them are better than any others, it just means that you might have to do different things to stay lean than someone else, if that's what you want.  You might have more curves, bigger boobs, no boobs, a bigger butt or wider shoulders... you might gain muscle really easily, you might gain fat easily, too.  You have to work with what you've got.

• Eat when you're hungry.  Eat food that makes you feel good.  

• When you eat something that makes you feel crappy/gives you a head ache/makes you tired... either eat that less, or find other things to eat with it that help your body deal with it better (ie: in my case, eating protein with sugar helps me not have that sugar crash later)

• It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you.  At all.  

I didn't really know if any of these words were "sticking" as they grew up... until my middle daughter decided at 13 to make a youtube channel.  I pictured all of the nasty comments I'd seen on kids channels before.  I knew that she was coming to a time where her skin would probably break out, that she might gain some 'chubbiness' as her body and hormones leveled out.  *I* don't care about those things... she didn't appear to... but I knew that someone online wouldn't hesitate to bring it up.

Her first... non complimentary comment was pretty mild.  After a long, somewhat rambling video, someone posted "Zzzzz....Z.zzzz.... Zzzzz..."

Her reply?  "Hey, I think your phone is buzzing, you should go answer it."

I laughed and realized that she simply wasn't as sensitive as I was, because she is confident in WHO she is :)

Then she did a video review of some makeup... and her skin had broken out (just a little), but she didn't seem to care.

Then this happened:

Now I know it wasn't horribly mean, but I know that for me as a teen... that would have had me piling on the makeup (I was very insecure about my looks... always).

I wondered after that, if she would start being more paranoid about it... but, nope.  She honestly didn't care and has continued to show herself as confident, self assured and happy with herself.

Since then, we've had two girls with completely different body types hitting puberty, filling out and changing... I thought that might cause some problems, and there have been some spats, but they're very minor.

One of them was, (My youngest daughter, 12), "Mom, when we were at our friends house, *P* told them that I had boobs!!!"  (she is JUST starting to develop, but earlier than her sisters did)

I just said, "Well, you ARE getting boobs, aren't you?"

"Um, yeah."

I said, "Well then, I imagine that your friends and their mom all know what boobs are, right?"  She nodded.  "Then I suppose they can SEE that you're getting boobs, so its really no big secret, right?"

"No, I guess not."

"Are you sorry that you're getting boobs?"

She almost seemed offended, "Well NO!"

"Then what is the problem?  If you have boobs, some people are going to notice.  Maybe your sister is just getting panicked because she thinks you'll get bigger boobs than her, maybe she's just so surprised, she wanted to point it out.  Maybe she was just being bitchy and trying to get a reaction, but honestly, it doesn't need to be a big deal.  I don't think she meant it to be hurtful, I think she's just surprised by the whole thing."

She seemed completely reassured and everything was fine (and to be clear, if my daughter is being bitchy, I have no problem admitting that, to her or anyone else, we all have our days, especially the passionate people in this house!).  I took a volatile situation and made it NORMAL and OKAY.  Its okay to change, its okay to feel strange and need to talk about it, but it is not necessary to let other peoples' words, observations or opinions change out own perspective.

I don't know.  Maybe I'm just talking out of my ass here, and no one wants to hear what I have to say.  I do have a LOT to say on raising children, though... I'm just not sure if I should say it :)  Parenting is such an individual thing.  Hell, I'm a different parent to each of my children within my own house.  If there is one thing I've learned, all children are different and you can't just treat them all the same and expect the same results!

Any specific topics you'd like me to cover (especially when it comes to self image, body consciousness and instilling confidence in our children)?

Parenting: Getting Teenagers to be Quiet in the Evenings

(From a journal post in March, 2013)

So, I've been falling asleep earlier. Anyone whose been here for any length of time knows that I have struggled with insomnia for a long time.

My kids are generally good about being quiet at night. And going to bed at a reasonable hour. I used to be awake to be witness to this, or to tell them to "Hush" if they started getting noisy.

Things have changed. They've been staying up later, getting more obnoxious (or the fact that I'm not actually able to sleep IF its not quiet has changed things)... So, I have tried several ways to tell them that I don't care WHEN they go to bed, as long as they aren't grouchy the next day AND as long as they are QUIET at "bedtime".

We've started having a struggle with the quiet. The kids, being teenagers, on breaks or weekend especially, have been staying up later and later and later and getting LOUDER to the point that its disrupting my sleep, Abyni's sleep... its just gotten ridiculous.

The other night, in the car with my 15 year old daughter *P* and 17 year old son *K*, *P* was being a SPAZ, and I told her that she'd have to calm her tits once we got home because it was bedtime. 

The kids were all, "Well, good luck with that!" and I tried talking to them reasonably about it being an issue of respect... to no avail, so I explained a little what I MEANT by 'mutual respect'.

I said, 

"Listen, your father and I are quiet when WE go to bed out of respect for your ears, so you can and had best start showing MUTUAL respect for the quiet that happens at bedtime, or we may not bother to be quiet either."

My 15 year old got it immediately and was all, "EWWWW!!!"

The oldest son, oddly enough, took a bit before he started 

"OMG! MOM!!! EWWWWWWW!!! I'm SCARRED!!!! OH MY GOD!"

I just said, "What? I mean when we're watching movies, we're always quiet in OUR ROOM..."

But they didn't believe me.  This is a good thing.

Boy, was it quiet in our house that evening. I think I made my point.

Listen To Your Body. One of Many Light Bulb Moments as I Learn to Live, Eat and Move (and Lift Heavy Things! :)

EPIPHANY TIME: I do not know it all. *gasp*

As you may know, I've been sick this week. I laid in bed almost SOLID (couldn't even sit up without feeling like I would pass out/my head would explode) for two whole days and nights. I didn't feel hungry at ALL and only ate a cup or two of my Greek yogurt each day around mid-afternoon, when I remembered that food existed, and most of the time I slept. Towards the end of day two, I started craving oranges. 

ORANGES??? What? My FIRST ingrained reaction? I told myself I didn't need that many carbs/sugars/whatever because all I had been laying around doing nothing.

Then I realized that I was still in the habit of gut reaction thinking that food was a "treat" or something that I earned. Instead, I listened to my body and asked my husband to get me some oranges... then added in a little bit of a panic, "OR just some Vitamin C!" (Yeah, I'm still not quite there!) 

He replied with, "Oranges, they're better for you."  He knows allll about my brain and my issues with food, so he brought me oranges. Over the next couple of hours, I ate three. THREE. And it was okay, and that was a big deal (yeah, I've struggled for decades with disordered thinking when it comes to food and my body image!).  I savored each one and it was like I'd never even tasted an orange before.  I could almost hear my body saying, "THERE'S what I'm talking about!" :)

Then, when my 15 yo daughter came to me and said, "I'm not feeling well (my same symptoms), I know I HAVE TO eat, but I'm not hungry. What should I eat?" 

I was able to say... "Listen to your body. If you're not hungry, don't eat. Your body knows what it wants. Just rest when you feel tired, and when you're hungry, we'll get you something to eat. Keep water by your bed, keep at least sipping on it and let me know if you need anything." 

I slept through the night and woke up feeling at least half way normal. Yesterday I ate yogurt again, an apple and almond butter, a little bit of steak AND had another orange.  My appetite was back at least a little bit!

And my daughter woke up craving... Oranges. :)

Silly emotions and preconceived notions. Our bodies know what they need. Start listening. Stop blocking that voice because of what you're heard/read or because of what you think you know!

Dealing with Hormonal, Weepy Preteen Children...

The MOOD MONSTER

And, btw, NONE of us are morning people around here!!  

I have to post about this, because its caught me by surprise with most of my children... even though they ALL did it at about the same time.  If you have older kids, you probably know what I'm talking about.  The hormonal weepies.  No, I'm not talking about typical 'pms' or whatever, I'm talking about the time before all of *that* happens.  For my kids, it starts around age 10-11.  They suddenly, out of nowhere start having these totally uncharacteristic melt-downs.  Not throwing a fit, but suddenly, intense, emotional upsets over nothing.  Over anything.  Over EVERYTHING.   After struggling for nearly a year with my oldest, I finally spilled my frustrations on a message board I frequented about my nearly 11 year old daughter's constant melt downs.  My normally happy go lucky child was in tears over things up to ten times a day!  I was losing my mind!  I was sure I had to be the worst mother in the world.  What happened to my child??   As soon as I posted my worries on the homeschool mom message board, another mom posted and recommended Michael's Pre-Teen girl vitamins.  She explained that hormonal swings start way earlier than the whole 'pms' routine.  I was skeptical.  Seriously?  My 10 year old was basically PMSing without a schedule?  What?   Nonetheless, I was at my wits end.  I bought the vitamins within a week.  My non-pill swallowing daughter crushed up the vitamins and took it with a spoon of applesauce every morning, while I waited with baited breath.  The mood swings let up.  Quickly.  Within a week or so, the moody, tearful child wasn't crying over everything.  She wasn't freaking out over little things anymore.  She was back to her 'normal' self.  I was stunned.  Yes, it was that simple.  Actually, by the time 'real' pms started, it was a relief, because at least them we were on a regular schedule! What about the boys?  They hit the same emotional tribulations... albeit a little later, and their emotional mood swings tended to show up more as anger than crying, but still, the vitamins came out and helps again. Why this wasn't just something automatic for me at this point, I don't know.  We went through it again with Paris when she hit age 11.  

 

This was a "yucky food" face rather than a mood, but I thought it was fitting:)

All of this to say that it caught me completely by surprise on Sunday when we got ready to film and Abyni just burst into tears.  Patrick and I were confused.  She had been practicing with me happily just 30 minutes earlier... so what was up?  She didn't know, and asking just made her cry harder.  We decided to just shut everything down and take a break.  Although it is very important to us to stick to a schedule, our schedule doesn't come before our kids.  As much as we needed to film right then, I needed to find out what was up.  Since we needed to get groceries sometime anyway, I told Abyni that she and I would take a girl break and have some mommy-daughter time and go shopping by ourselves.

We got in the car and she said, "I don't know what happened, mom.  I was just standing there and my body said, 'okay, time to cry now' and I just couldn't stop."

*lightbulb*  

Oh my word.  Seriously?  FIVE kids and I don't catch on automatically with ANY of them!??  I explained the whole hormonal concept to her, then told her that we would just take a break, buy some chocolate and have some girl time.  We went grocery shopping and bought a pill crusher and some applesauce in addition to the chocolate, and all was well.  

We came home and she crushed up a vitamin and took it... and I think that just knowing that she could do something about the moodiness helped her feel a lot more in control.  I mean, come on ladies, don't you ever just feel completely lost in your own hormonal mess sometimes?  I know I do.  I can't imagine how out of control and downright confusing it must be to be an eleven year old girl and have no idea what is happening!  It is hard enough as an adult when I KNOW what the culprit is. To finish off my little novel here, by the time the groceries were put away, Abyni was ready to film the rhyming game and we had a great evening.   Just remember that when your child seems completely upset and out of control, maybe they just need a little reassurance that what they're going through is normal.  Maybe they need vitamins, or just a little extra attention or maybe they just need more sleep.  Try to look past the tears, the tantrums and see what the underlying issue is.  It is much easier to deal with the cause than the symptoms!  Besides, its not as if WE never have those moody days (try not to laugh too hard!)

Parenting & Weight Loss... Not Letting my own past Poison my Daughters' Self Image

Parenting Moment:

My 14 year old daughter has been my most consistent gym companion (my husband was sick last week and injured this week).  It has been really nice to workout with her and have the opportunity to discuss health, body types, self image, fitness and nutrition.  It has been a good opportunity to discuss the difference between people as well.  Body types, fitness goals & strengths,dietary needs, etc.  She is a vegetarian and has recently chosen to cut out sugar (which led to an almost immediate 100% clearing up of her skin!) and I'm a no grains, Paleo leaning type.  

After growing up and struggling with such a severely messed up self/body image, I love that we can discuss all of these things without it having to be a "fat/skinny/attractive" thing, but a health conscious, individual preference and CHOICE.  I love that. Love it.

I don't claim to have done everything 100% in the parenting department, but I think I've done fairly well in this, and I'm really really proud of my kids for taking the initiative on their own to learn more, make a change in their eating habits and take care of themselves.  They are pretty awesome people, even for *gasp* Teenagers!

Me Moment:

I'm still being good about tracking workouts.  (YAY ME!) You can see how I'm switching things up a little.  To be honest, as far as leg workouts go, I was STILL sore from last Wednesday's leg workout, so I chose to mix things up a little bit.  With the little bit of cardio added in tonight, I was dripping with sweat before we were even half done!

I think its a great thing to mix things up "keep the body guessing" ala Gordon on Dodgeball.  I LOVE that movie:)