WHOA: Eye Opening Conversation about my "Low Carb" Atkin's Diet Days (How NOT to raise kids with a bad self image!!!)

When my kids were younger, we used to live on the road.  We lived in a 40 ft bus and traveled the US for about three years.  I painted and etched on motorcycles at rallies for our income and we stopped and explored the country between those stops.  I remember it as being an amazing adventure.  The rest of the family does, too...

I am second in the back row, I'm even wearing a bikini.

Our home, sweet home.

Today I was talking to my 18 year old son about Krispy Kreme donuts (I don't know why it came up, we talk about everything) and I said, "Oh, I remember back when I did the Atkins low carb diet years ago.  I went with no grains, no sugar and ate pretty much only meat and vegetables for 2 years."

**Note, I have always remembered this as my "Skinny" time.  I thought I was just FABULOUSLY happy with my 'thin' self.  I wore a size 3-5, I thought I was doing amazing things and I only had another ten pounds or so to lose...and I would be 'happy' (of course).  People always told me how fabulous I looked for having five kids, etc.  I also didn't exercise at all.  Nada.  My back always hurt.  I couldn't sleep then, either, but I was THIN.**

And yet I still have hardly any photos...

My son looked at me and said, "Was that when we lived on the bus?"  (Remember, he was 6-8 at the time!!!  This was TEN YEARS AGO)  When I nodded, he said, "Oh my god.  I remember that.  You were SUCH an UNPLEASANT individual then!!!"

I was... shocked.  I couldn't believe that he not only remembered that time...

but remembered that I was that unpleasant because of my DIET.

He was 6-8 years old, and his memory of me for those years is that I was always in a bad mood and angry and unpleasant... because I "couldn't eat anything fun".

Wow.  That was eye opening.  So I looked thin, yeah.  I felt pleased with my appearance because I looked skinny and wore a small size.  But my kids remember me as just being unhappy.  

And in the end... I ended up getting a "treat" of Krispy Kreme donuts for my birthday after two years of "being good"... and I binged.  I ate most of the BOX of a dozen donuts.  Then I ate more.  As I told him, 

"I not only fell off the wagon, I think I ate the wagon, too, because when I came to, there was no wagon anywhere to be seen..."

In the years since then, I did find that I do best eating less grains, little wheat, and sticking with very little sugars.  The grains seem to make my digestion feel cranky if I eat them a lot and consistently.  Sugars tend to give me headaches and make me tired.  I have stopped labeling them as "good" or "bad" and I can have them in moderation now without beating myself up and without needing to eat everything in sight and surprise... they don't affect me negatively when I don't binge on them!

I do better with more protein and less carbs.  I still eat plenty of carbs, I just know that I need to pair it with protein if its in the form of refined carbs.  Instead of setting some strict diet dogma to follow, I am just paying attention to how food makes me FEEL.  I eat what makes me feel best (and I DO need carbs... and plenty of them if I want to have energy to workout!) and even at times eat things that don't make me feel the best, but I enjoy the food, enjoy the company and enjoy celebrations without 'rules' and without 'cheating'.  It has been life changing.

The most important thing, though, is that I'm developing a HEALTHY, SANE relationship with food.  And my body.  Is it always easy?  No.  But its worth it.  The changes might be slow, but they're coming. 

The best part?  My kids are seeing that I'm on a healthy path.  I'm much more stable emotionally.  I can participate in desserts and celebrations without inhaling everything in sight or without being near tears and cranky because I won't allow myself to "cheat".  They go to the gym with me, or join us for PiYo on the back deck.  They see that I'm taking care of myself to be healthy, instead of beating myself up trying to some form of "perfect looks"...

My son and I this summer... my beast of a workout partner 

(although at that time, I was benching as much as he was!)

I like to think that I'm having a much more positive impact on them... and on myself.

Results are awesome, yes, 

but the journey counts.

A lot.

Back to School: EASY Healthy Bulk Breakfast Burritos

From my old "Clean Eating" Blog... make these as "clean", as healthy, as filling as you want.  Use whole wheat, non whole wheat, gluten free or whatever wraps you want.  Sometimes we make bagels instead of burritos, but eggs and veggies make for a GREAT start to your morning!


We were going through the breakfast burritos at an amazing rate, so I found an even easier, faster way to make them... because you can count on me to constantly be on the look out for ways to make things more efficient so I have more time to be lazy:)

Baked Quiche Wraps!

Use whatever ingredients you like... for our Clean Eating Wraps, we like to use a variety of the following:
Whole Wheat Tortillas
Eggs
Spinach
Peppers (especialy red & yellow bell peppers for me!)
Sauteed Chicken
Onions (lots of onions!)
low fat cheeses

Not so Clean idea that my kids like, and helps extend the eggs are oven fries (cut really small).

Directions:

• Sautee your choice of veggies and meats in a skillet with a little coconut oil.
• Beat eggs in a separate bowl (I used 2 1/2 dozen for our pan, with LOTS of veggies)
• Pour all ingredients into a 9x13 baking dish
• Bake at 350 until done.  (Our 'new' oven is REALLY off temp, wise, so I'm really unsure of the time for a regular oven.  Probably 15-20 minutes?)

After the eggs cool (I just put them in the oven overnight), divide the pan into 16-18 servings.  I cut across the middle first, then in half the other direction... it makes it easier to get more even slices.

Lay out your tortillas with cheese and wrap.

Wrap each on with plastic wrap and you're ready to go!

I keep them in the fridge in a drawer and they're ready to go for my early morning husband and kids!

 What is your favorite easy-go to recipe?

Listen To Your Body. One of Many Light Bulb Moments as I Learn to Live, Eat and Move (and Lift Heavy Things! :)

EPIPHANY TIME: I do not know it all. *gasp*

As you may know, I've been sick this week. I laid in bed almost SOLID (couldn't even sit up without feeling like I would pass out/my head would explode) for two whole days and nights. I didn't feel hungry at ALL and only ate a cup or two of my Greek yogurt each day around mid-afternoon, when I remembered that food existed, and most of the time I slept. Towards the end of day two, I started craving oranges. 

ORANGES??? What? My FIRST ingrained reaction? I told myself I didn't need that many carbs/sugars/whatever because all I had been laying around doing nothing.

Then I realized that I was still in the habit of gut reaction thinking that food was a "treat" or something that I earned. Instead, I listened to my body and asked my husband to get me some oranges... then added in a little bit of a panic, "OR just some Vitamin C!" (Yeah, I'm still not quite there!) 

He replied with, "Oranges, they're better for you."  He knows allll about my brain and my issues with food, so he brought me oranges. Over the next couple of hours, I ate three. THREE. And it was okay, and that was a big deal (yeah, I've struggled for decades with disordered thinking when it comes to food and my body image!).  I savored each one and it was like I'd never even tasted an orange before.  I could almost hear my body saying, "THERE'S what I'm talking about!" :)

Then, when my 15 yo daughter came to me and said, "I'm not feeling well (my same symptoms), I know I HAVE TO eat, but I'm not hungry. What should I eat?" 

I was able to say... "Listen to your body. If you're not hungry, don't eat. Your body knows what it wants. Just rest when you feel tired, and when you're hungry, we'll get you something to eat. Keep water by your bed, keep at least sipping on it and let me know if you need anything." 

I slept through the night and woke up feeling at least half way normal. Yesterday I ate yogurt again, an apple and almond butter, a little bit of steak AND had another orange.  My appetite was back at least a little bit!

And my daughter woke up craving... Oranges. :)

Silly emotions and preconceived notions. Our bodies know what they need. Start listening. Stop blocking that voice because of what you're heard/read or because of what you think you know!

Dealing with Hormonal, Weepy Preteen Children...

The MOOD MONSTER

And, btw, NONE of us are morning people around here!!  

I have to post about this, because its caught me by surprise with most of my children... even though they ALL did it at about the same time.  If you have older kids, you probably know what I'm talking about.  The hormonal weepies.  No, I'm not talking about typical 'pms' or whatever, I'm talking about the time before all of *that* happens.  For my kids, it starts around age 10-11.  They suddenly, out of nowhere start having these totally uncharacteristic melt-downs.  Not throwing a fit, but suddenly, intense, emotional upsets over nothing.  Over anything.  Over EVERYTHING.   After struggling for nearly a year with my oldest, I finally spilled my frustrations on a message board I frequented about my nearly 11 year old daughter's constant melt downs.  My normally happy go lucky child was in tears over things up to ten times a day!  I was losing my mind!  I was sure I had to be the worst mother in the world.  What happened to my child??   As soon as I posted my worries on the homeschool mom message board, another mom posted and recommended Michael's Pre-Teen girl vitamins.  She explained that hormonal swings start way earlier than the whole 'pms' routine.  I was skeptical.  Seriously?  My 10 year old was basically PMSing without a schedule?  What?   Nonetheless, I was at my wits end.  I bought the vitamins within a week.  My non-pill swallowing daughter crushed up the vitamins and took it with a spoon of applesauce every morning, while I waited with baited breath.  The mood swings let up.  Quickly.  Within a week or so, the moody, tearful child wasn't crying over everything.  She wasn't freaking out over little things anymore.  She was back to her 'normal' self.  I was stunned.  Yes, it was that simple.  Actually, by the time 'real' pms started, it was a relief, because at least them we were on a regular schedule! What about the boys?  They hit the same emotional tribulations... albeit a little later, and their emotional mood swings tended to show up more as anger than crying, but still, the vitamins came out and helps again. Why this wasn't just something automatic for me at this point, I don't know.  We went through it again with Paris when she hit age 11.  

 

This was a "yucky food" face rather than a mood, but I thought it was fitting:)

All of this to say that it caught me completely by surprise on Sunday when we got ready to film and Abyni just burst into tears.  Patrick and I were confused.  She had been practicing with me happily just 30 minutes earlier... so what was up?  She didn't know, and asking just made her cry harder.  We decided to just shut everything down and take a break.  Although it is very important to us to stick to a schedule, our schedule doesn't come before our kids.  As much as we needed to film right then, I needed to find out what was up.  Since we needed to get groceries sometime anyway, I told Abyni that she and I would take a girl break and have some mommy-daughter time and go shopping by ourselves.

We got in the car and she said, "I don't know what happened, mom.  I was just standing there and my body said, 'okay, time to cry now' and I just couldn't stop."

*lightbulb*  

Oh my word.  Seriously?  FIVE kids and I don't catch on automatically with ANY of them!??  I explained the whole hormonal concept to her, then told her that we would just take a break, buy some chocolate and have some girl time.  We went grocery shopping and bought a pill crusher and some applesauce in addition to the chocolate, and all was well.  

We came home and she crushed up a vitamin and took it... and I think that just knowing that she could do something about the moodiness helped her feel a lot more in control.  I mean, come on ladies, don't you ever just feel completely lost in your own hormonal mess sometimes?  I know I do.  I can't imagine how out of control and downright confusing it must be to be an eleven year old girl and have no idea what is happening!  It is hard enough as an adult when I KNOW what the culprit is. To finish off my little novel here, by the time the groceries were put away, Abyni was ready to film the rhyming game and we had a great evening.   Just remember that when your child seems completely upset and out of control, maybe they just need a little reassurance that what they're going through is normal.  Maybe they need vitamins, or just a little extra attention or maybe they just need more sleep.  Try to look past the tears, the tantrums and see what the underlying issue is.  It is much easier to deal with the cause than the symptoms!  Besides, its not as if WE never have those moody days (try not to laugh too hard!)