Progress is Progress: The Emotional Side of Eating, Appetite and Listening to Your Body

I'm kind of at a standstill with visible progress, but I am working hard on my emotional progress... and that is a far bigger and harder thing for me. So, in part because I'm trying to get over my self loathing issues, and in part because I AM getting over them... I'm going to take photos more often. Even if I have to do it before I've put a bra on or combed my hair. So there! 

I am learning to love myself. Regardless of the scales. I'm going to use photos instead.

And maybe some day these photos will inspire me to finally do something with these bathroom walls!  We removed most of the horrid metallic silver print paper and now I'm stuck with what to do!

I STILL can't see my biceps.  I can feel them, though, and I can ALMOST see my triceps.

My arms are actually looking thinner than I thought!  I am feeling good about myself today, because even though its perioding/PMS-y bloated time, I don't feel like I LOOK bloated.  That's progress, people!

I'm holding steady at 193-5 and just keeping on with the lifting, although I'm down to 2-3 times a week because being on my feet all freaking day at Ren Faire is wiping me OUT, but I'm still getting in there and lifting heavy. 

My food is good. I've taken off ALL restrictions with my eating and find that I am eating much better/healthier than I was before. I don't worry about it if I am really craving something, I've found that wheat doesn't bother me, and I eat for what I know I need energy for. Taking the five months off of grains helped me a lot. It helped me figure out what I wanted, what I needed and I learned to *listen* to my body.

Q. So, did taking out grains allow you to reset your hunger cues???

A.  It actually just KILLED my appetite completely for the last 5 months.  COMPLETELY.  I had to force myself to eat, which meant that I ONLY ate when I was REALLY hungry.  Not a great thing, but it did force me to actually pay attention.  I had hated my weight gain so much that I had pretty much dissociated with my body altogether.  I would seriously be near passing out before I realized I was hungry.  It was kind of extreme, but it forced me to wake up, so to speak and pay attention!  

THEN I started being kind to myself instead of beating myself up... and it all shifted. 

The weight lifting thing has been HUGE for me.  I always used to hate it and I'm not sure what changed, but I love it now.  I love the way I can watch the numbers go up so easily.  It is really really easy to track my progress and I LIKE that.  Its kind of bringing out my competitive side, but I'm just competing against myself!