tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-62909112328682466492023-11-16T06:12:06.592-08:00Fitspiration Over 40Join me in my journey to Better Heatlh & Fitness in 2013byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.comBlogger66125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-77084937059518075122013-08-28T12:08:00.000-07:002013-08-28T12:13:20.566-07:00LOVE YOUR BODY NOW! Body Image Obsession, Control Issues and Childhood Abuse...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxXXnnccyxdI-lACpag8KVs2eZ9cw3X2EtlZNTFR_6Qnd0tAfcKs21voqU8rd-2KeFoHtf41KhyphenhyphenmUCKlOt36lwCt2yVL0JNvXCdmZ5siPKKn8GNZvnoxMbdMghLMP3FpKLBXYhaoBUmy4/s1600/loveyourbodyall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="281" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxXXnnccyxdI-lACpag8KVs2eZ9cw3X2EtlZNTFR_6Qnd0tAfcKs21voqU8rd-2KeFoHtf41KhyphenhyphenmUCKlOt36lwCt2yVL0JNvXCdmZ5siPKKn8GNZvnoxMbdMghLMP3FpKLBXYhaoBUmy4/s640/loveyourbodyall.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I've been feeling a lot of pressure lately.<b> A lot of pressure to 'accept my body' to 'stop obsessing about how I look' and to just 'enjoy the journey of getting healthy'. </b> Those phrases specifically were starting to really annoy me. Mostly because I was TRYING to accept my body, and<b><i> I started to feel like people were judging me for NOT loving myself enough RIGHT THE HELL NOW.</i></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i>I had people telling me that I needed therapy, I had people getting ANGRY at me for not feeling sexy and JUST ACCEPTING IT RIGHT NOW. I had one woman tell me in no uncertain terms that I needed to get help because having feelings like I had expressed was abnormal and WRONG... even after dozens of women had answered my original post saying, "I FEEL THIS WAY TOO!"</i></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i>I saw comments on other peoples' pages expressing the same general idea, "If you don't fully love your body right now, there is something WRONG WITH YOU. YOU ARE MENTAL, YOU NEED OUTSIDE HELP... THIS IS BAD, YOU ARE WRONG... YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY..." etc.</i></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i>BULL SHIT. I know that I am not the only one seeing these messages and feeling this way. Shaming me and making me feel like some freak of nature is NOT HELPFUL.</i></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><i>Yeah, I see plenty of "love yourself" memes and pictures...</i></b></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; line-height: 18px;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: large;"><i>But </i>often <i>instead of seeing THIS:</i></span></b></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3yChJnusIaACWPY9ILGb_fIzQUD5s3Po_lve4CgO5jMrGVntePiO1wsCqykcHXGPcy71HffjDfR0sjmNZLtY69ekgVP7O7yxV6eUwlx3100EI9LZKkUi_Pt_pKxKbrJvqHkBsZBgsm78/s1600/love-your-body.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3yChJnusIaACWPY9ILGb_fIzQUD5s3Po_lve4CgO5jMrGVntePiO1wsCqykcHXGPcy71HffjDfR0sjmNZLtY69ekgVP7O7yxV6eUwlx3100EI9LZKkUi_Pt_pKxKbrJvqHkBsZBgsm78/s320/love-your-body.jpg" width="243" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">I SEE THIS:</span></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFQS7gdpi3LW497MtscDNjygL2HwI-uW5mHXXD6daLjNkwXyikJJiyu23enaCq-9aAB9OA1b81DUnLb3_Uaa0b1hiugQGkZDLmqDyIFTjh5exKeq_IS1Ihr7hXpeW5HAeER5yuXag2TL8/s1600/love-your-body2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFQS7gdpi3LW497MtscDNjygL2HwI-uW5mHXXD6daLjNkwXyikJJiyu23enaCq-9aAB9OA1b81DUnLb3_Uaa0b1hiugQGkZDLmqDyIFTjh5exKeq_IS1Ihr7hXpeW5HAeER5yuXag2TL8/s320/love-your-body2.jpg" width="243" /></a></div>
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<i>**I know </i>consciously <i>that is not the INTENTION behind these words/memes</i></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>I realized that I was becoming really FURIOUS, over the top angry with people for this.</b> I realized that I was <i>overreacting</i>, mostly (I thought) because I had been TRYING to overcome my shame about my body, my shame about being fat. For the last two years, I scoured self help sites, looking for some way to accept the fact that my body had accumulated this extra fat. Looking at myself in the mirror did not help. I just felt worse. Repeating mantras over and over about how much I loved and accepted myself weren't helping.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">All of the "Don't let the MEDIA tell you how you should look!!!" doesn't fit for me, either. </span><i style="color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Hell, my IDEAL body STILL wouldn't fit the media ideal anyway!</i><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I had to leave some groups/unlike some 'encouraging pages' because they were starting to trigger this deep seated response in me that I couldn't figure out, and it was having an effect on my day to day life, depression, my ability to enjoy ANYTHING and especially my ability to keep on moving on a path that I know I believe in.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b><span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Trigger Warning</span></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I finally, through a conversation with my <i>very frustrated</i> husband, dug down deep enough to try to explain that my "body image obsession" <i>wasn't even all about my body</i>. It was about my WHOLE SELF. It was about CONTROL when I'm feeling overwhelmed by life stresses.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>First off, my whole body image obsession thing is just as much a coping mechanism as anything else. At times when life gets too stressful, that is the only thing that I have ever been able to actually control. </b>Be it my growing up years, years of sexual abuse in my childhood, bullying in elementary school, being ostracized throughout middle and high school, or even just stressful adult years... the only thing I often have always felt like I was in control of is what I eat, what exercise I do, etc. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">When I first started asking my mom questions about my childhood<i> (without telling her that I was asking because I was having memories of sexual abuse)</i>, she told me that when we lived in WI with [her boyfriend, one of my abusers], that she always found food stashed and hidden in my room... [her boyfriend] could come to my room at night and take control of me, but he couldn't force me to eat at meal times.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I don't remember why, but I know that there are certain foods that cause a deep seated reaction in me. Tomato soup, for instance. One of my vivid memories as a young child is being at my aunt's house because she was watching me and making tomato soup. I can't even stand the smell of tomato soup without wanting to vomit. Ever. I don't have any specific memories of abuse at her house, just an overwhelming feeling of... discomfort, grossness, yuck.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I remember food being a control issue for me all through middle school and high school as well. My mom could worry, my step dad could yell, but they couldn't force me to eat. Boys could pressure me, grope me, try to take advantage (or take advantage), but they couldn't control what *I* chose to eat, how I chose to treat my own body.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I had very few friends and was often at odds with them because I didn't play the power trip games well. I might not have had any control over anything else in my life, but I could control what food I put in my body. I could punish myself with food or lack of food, I could make myself forget the stress going on around me, in my home life, with the emotional abuse and just dark cloud that was always hanging around by focusing on food. Controlling food. Making myself starve, making myself exercise until I slept.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">In ADDITION to all of the 'don't be fat' mantra that I told myself/heard all the time. It was something my mom and aunts (on my mother's side) were always obsessed about. In that family, the thin people were 'good', the overweight people were people to feel sorry for.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">So the whole, food=control aka being thin/fit=good, wanted, etc... the fact that I have totally lost control over that (aka, I got *fat*) has been a HUGE source of stress for me for the last few years ON TOP OF the </span><b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><i>actual </i></b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">body image,</span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> just the fact that I've lost the ability to even control what my body is doing/looks like? That's a pretty deeply seated fucking deal.</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"> (Yes, I'm 42 years old and my childhood shit is rearing its head AGAIN. I know.)</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" />
<b style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">So no, its not just about body image... its about the fact that it FEELS LIKE everything is crumbling around me all the fucking time and there isn't a damned thing I can do about </b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">it. Even knowing that RATIONALLY, my life is okay and things will get better/be fine, all of the accumulated stresses (even <i>just </i>the financial shit) really sends me SUBCONSCIOUSLY into the whole lifetime routine of focusing all of my stress onto my body, my 'willpower', my self control... Its not as simple as <i>"Just love your body right now"</i>... I need to figure out how to reset these deeply ingrained thought patterns in my head. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>And its just not as simple as "love your body the way it is right now" I wish it was. I DO think its possible to heal from this, to FIX this, but I need a different focus, a different message... and I WILL find it.</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">And that is enough rambling for today. Sorry for the disorganized stream of thought rambling... I'm trying to figure things out.</span>byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-31415184943683320322013-08-19T06:17:00.000-07:002013-08-19T08:47:26.901-07:00WHOA: Eye Opening Conversation about my "Low Carb" Atkin's Diet Days (How NOT to raise kids with a bad self image!!!)When my kids were younger, we used to live on the road. We lived in a 40 ft bus and traveled the US for about three years. I painted and etched on motorcycles at rallies for our income and we stopped and explored the country between those stops. I remember it as being an amazing adventure. The rest of the family does, too...<br />
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I am second in the back row, I'm even wearing a bikini.</div>
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Our home, sweet home.</div>
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Today I was talking to my 18 year old son about Krispy Kreme donuts (I don't know why it came up, we talk about everything) and I said, "Oh, I remember back when I did the Atkins low carb diet years ago. I went with no grains, no sugar and ate pretty much only meat and vegetables for 2 years."<br />
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**Note,<b><i> I</i></b> have always remembered this as my "Skinny" time. I thought I was just FABULOUSLY happy with my 'thin' self. I wore a size 3-5, I thought I was doing amazing things and I only had another ten pounds or so to lose...and I would be 'happy' (of course). People always told me how fabulous I looked for having five kids, etc. I also didn't exercise at all. Nada. My back always hurt. I couldn't sleep then, either, but I was THIN.**<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSsCNlW1UWLXICpDwOuwH3iV-wXEyFk0rYHCSzTK2GYgXlvDyG7Z_S1eONDdzJgt6re8jbYKZnmDu4k0NGjxMop5rsUlBfiMfxsk7FikUxBovVbuv_TNVla9QqdgJIoBR8P5PKLut1GVs/s1600/538522_3049008434572_218161037_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSsCNlW1UWLXICpDwOuwH3iV-wXEyFk0rYHCSzTK2GYgXlvDyG7Z_S1eONDdzJgt6re8jbYKZnmDu4k0NGjxMop5rsUlBfiMfxsk7FikUxBovVbuv_TNVla9QqdgJIoBR8P5PKLut1GVs/s320/538522_3049008434572_218161037_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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And yet I still have hardly any photos...</div>
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My son looked at me and said, "Was that when we lived on the bus?" (Remember, he was 6-8 at the time!!! This was TEN YEARS AGO) When I nodded, he said, <i><b>"Oh my god. I remember that. You were SUCH an UNPLEASANT individual then!!!"</b></i><br />
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I was... shocked. I couldn't believe that <i>he not only remembered that time</i>...</div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>but remembered that </i>I was <i>that </i>unpleasant because of my DIET<i>.</i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">He was 6-8 years old, and his memory of me for those years is that I was always in a bad mood and angry and unpleasant... because I "couldn't eat anything fun".</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></b></div>
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Wow. That was eye opening. So I looked thin, yeah. I felt pleased with my appearance because I looked skinny and wore a small size. But my kids remember me as just being unhappy. </div>
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And in the end... I ended up getting a "treat" of Krispy Kreme donuts for my birthday after two years of "being good"... and I binged. I ate most of the BOX of a dozen donuts. Then I ate more. As I told him, </div>
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<b>"I not only fell off the wagon, I think I ate the wagon, too, because when I came to, there was no wagon anywhere to be seen..."</b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span></b></div>
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In the years since then, I did find that I do best eating less grains, little wheat, and sticking with very little sugars. The grains seem to make my digestion feel cranky if I eat them a lot and consistently. Sugars tend to give me headaches and make me tired. I have stopped labeling them as "good" or "bad" and <b>I can have them in moderation now without beating myself up and without needing to eat everything in sight and surprise... they don't affect me negatively when I don't binge on them!</b></div>
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I do better with more protein and less carbs. I still eat plenty of carbs, I just know that I need to pair it with protein if its in the form of refined carbs. Instead of setting some strict diet dogma to follow, I am just paying attention to how food makes me FEEL. I eat what makes me feel best (and I DO need carbs... and plenty of them if I want to have energy to workout!) and even at times eat things that don't make me feel the best, but I enjoy the food, enjoy the company and enjoy celebrations without 'rules' and without 'cheating'. It has been life changing.</div>
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<b>The most important thing, though, is that I'm developing a HEALTHY, SANE relationship with food. And my body. Is it always easy? No. But its worth it. The changes might be slow, but they're coming. </b></div>
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The best part? My kids are seeing that I'm on a healthy path. I'm much more stable emotionally. I can participate in desserts and celebrations without inhaling everything in sight or without being near tears and cranky because I won't allow myself to "cheat". They go to the gym with me, or join us for PiYo on the back deck. They see that I'm taking care of myself to be healthy, instead of beating myself up trying to some form of "perfect looks"...</div>
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My son and I this summer... my beast of a workout partner </div>
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<i>(although at that time, I was benching as much as he was!)</i></div>
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I like to think that I'm having a much more positive impact on them... and on myself.</div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>Results are awesome, yes, </b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>but the journey counts.</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: #cc0000; font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: large;"><b>A lot.</b></span></div>
byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-70627515361184952002013-08-18T09:50:00.001-07:002013-08-19T06:15:39.122-07:00How I am Healing my Metabolism... <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">No matter what *diet*/workout plan I have followed, I have always been on a mission to find what worked for ME... sometimes obsessively, often times unhealthily, but always searching for the answers that would ft MY body. All the while not </span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">even LISTENING TO MY OWN BODY, but trying to force it into some mold that promised the answers/look I wanted. I mostly avoided photos when I was "fat", so I don't have a lot of range... but these photos encompass over a decade... looking at them now, sometimes I know I felt like I was MUCH bigger than I was, and I wish I could have just appreciated life instead of always feeling like I needed to be "fixed"... its frustrating to me that I'm STILL fighting that need to fix my body to LOOK better instead of just trying to find a healthy place...</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6DYcWIZNiRVtporFWTG7PhRBxeFSQItsBaGipUkoiV7bZi81uF66dn6Anv2xbSHkVapKE_wAJ8be5TmWRS-32GGhqgVJpY5lRTbNh5l9OVAEKNGIQLtm6sdoh4UtDjfgqfhi55oyfNlI/s1600/425698_512159228818332_759220353_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6DYcWIZNiRVtporFWTG7PhRBxeFSQItsBaGipUkoiV7bZi81uF66dn6Anv2xbSHkVapKE_wAJ8be5TmWRS-32GGhqgVJpY5lRTbNh5l9OVAEKNGIQLtm6sdoh4UtDjfgqfhi55oyfNlI/s320/425698_512159228818332_759220353_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;">It wasn't until I was forcefully downed with several health issues and overuse injuries that I was finally able to STOP and start listening to those who had already been there and had been trying to help me along the way.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px; text-align: left;"> </span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">After several months of "refeeding" and trying to heal my metabolism by <a href="http://gokaleo.com/category/stopdieting/" target="_blank">STOPPING the insane "Diet Train"</a> I was on. Weight lifting and learning to eat enough to fuel my workouts and my daily activities. It has been a struggle! </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Yesterday I was feeling horrible and crappy about myself, my lack of progress and just feeling generally ick. I KNEW it was in large part because I haven't been sleeping we</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">ll, I am bloated and PMS-y, but I was really feeling down and decided to post here and be real.<br /><br />The support I got, both in comments and private messages really helped a lot. Knowing that I'm not alone in this is a really good thing, and I'm glad I started this page. The reminders that I'm doing this in a far different way this time than ever before caused me to go back and LOOK.<br /><br />I AM making progress. Yes, it is SLOWER than I would like... but slow and steady is more likely to stick with me this time, and in the long run, I'd rather have slow and steady! Anyway, I looked at some photos and realized that although my changes have been minimal the last few months, I have come a long way since the beginning of the year. I also know that I'm tired and cranky and need to get back to my smoothies, because that made me feel SO much better. I am going to keep working and ignore the scale, the mirrors and anything else until this PMS/perioding phase is over this month. Then I will take photos and reassess. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk_WYmjl-qJpFcRiwkSof0d3oyO7M-8mBMVg6QmdbW8pzuaprwnfIPVpJEJqh0pi8pWAhyphenhyphenaMdxxOzeObO_wx8fN7wN0i8AwsTTpOjvDOVDRml6wtf8jE0FHRmppL7McgK_FrdE6Ftq4YA/s1600/Collage-2013-08-18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="238" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk_WYmjl-qJpFcRiwkSof0d3oyO7M-8mBMVg6QmdbW8pzuaprwnfIPVpJEJqh0pi8pWAhyphenhyphenaMdxxOzeObO_wx8fN7wN0i8AwsTTpOjvDOVDRml6wtf8jE0FHRmppL7McgK_FrdE6Ftq4YA/s320/Collage-2013-08-18.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br />I have to admit that these pictures<b> depressed me a little bit</b>. I still have SO much bloating in the stomach area... <b>messed up eating for <i>decades </i>really screwed with my metabolism</b> (imagine that), but <b>I AM healing that, so it is OKAY.</b> </span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>It is not the end of the world</b>, and within a couple of months, it will all be gone, healed and healthy. My back is DEFINITELY changing a lot, though, and I am definitely getting stronger. My legs are changing, too, but since I only have this little camera that won't work on a tripod because the battery keeps falling out, you'll have to wait for that!<br /><br />But most importantly, my emotional and MENTAL self is healing. A lot. I am getting better. I am getting stronger. I can lift heavier things, and I can fight off those annoying voices in my head that want me to be miserable, that want to beat me up for not fitting my 'perfect' image. </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 18px;"><b><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I am HEALING. It is a good thing.</span></b></span></div>
byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-42775366710273717752013-08-12T08:14:00.000-07:002013-08-12T08:14:11.028-07:00Back to School: EASY Healthy Bulk Breakfast BurritosFrom my old "Clean Eating" Blog... make these as "clean", as healthy, as filling as you want. Use whole wheat, non whole wheat, gluten free or whatever wraps you want. Sometimes we make bagels instead of burritos, but eggs and veggies make for a GREAT start to your morning!<br />
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We were going through the breakfast burritos at an amazing rate, so I found an even easier, faster way to make them... because you can count on me to constantly be on the look out for ways to make things more efficient so I have more time to be lazy:)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiesijFtmMwzLWKXH29Y7GZOXA0pUr2LNjMNdqADtIJ6bXVmOTsoFhs_LjrcC04MJNxFgoaIBc4qBl9N5AIx1m-kBVROYgVw6kDWTl4FIy6OcJNEqOK2_1xgjQD6y2upSH3q6R5Vipafp8/s1600/IMG_2287.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiesijFtmMwzLWKXH29Y7GZOXA0pUr2LNjMNdqADtIJ6bXVmOTsoFhs_LjrcC04MJNxFgoaIBc4qBl9N5AIx1m-kBVROYgVw6kDWTl4FIy6OcJNEqOK2_1xgjQD6y2upSH3q6R5Vipafp8/s320/IMG_2287.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Baked Quiche Wraps!</h2>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAukyBszzwP34xJOUXiv7-sw3zukeMXuVekSKPaU4TtXor3VseCsDW5dmoLhfehfPSW6V31ZCaMpwtL2-dyBlYUHLT4o-F8QCRlvS3jrsY-QWanR7wtr6xNmMxylOi4LqDfogUGVICgqM/s1600/IMG_2290.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAukyBszzwP34xJOUXiv7-sw3zukeMXuVekSKPaU4TtXor3VseCsDW5dmoLhfehfPSW6V31ZCaMpwtL2-dyBlYUHLT4o-F8QCRlvS3jrsY-QWanR7wtr6xNmMxylOi4LqDfogUGVICgqM/s320/IMG_2290.JPG" width="320" /></a><br />
<b>Use whatever ingredients you like... for our Clean Eating Wraps, we like to use a variety of the following:</b><br />
Whole Wheat Tortillas<br />
Eggs<br />
Spinach<br />
Peppers (especialy red & yellow bell peppers for me!)<br />
Sauteed Chicken<br />
Onions (lots of onions!)<br />
low fat cheeses<br />
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<b>Not so Clean idea that my kids like, and helps extend the eggs are <a href="http://mrsbyn.blogspot.com/2011/02/clean-eating-62-breaded-fish-sticks.html" target="_blank">oven fries</a> (cut really small).</b><br />
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<b>Directions:</b><br />
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<ul>
<li>Sautee your choice of veggies and meats in a skillet with a little coconut oil.</li>
<li>Beat eggs in a separate bowl (I used 2 1/2 dozen for our pan, with LOTS of veggies)</li>
<li>Pour all ingredients into a 9x13 baking dish</li>
<li>Bake at 350 until done. (Our 'new' oven is REALLY off temp, wise, so I'm really unsure of the time for a regular oven. Probably 15-20 minutes?)</li>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggiMsgcOWkoAGFPV96HgO-XVWYkks6RA_PoeBYvKPwPJjBM3DO2hxIQPA_iQIHrbTUyfzjvx7WVKs4UZ2zLGwHUDBh9-u9WhBtCHdiLjvyvEcFi_2rAFe0TE40tzA23aJ8-WBGw7A3R-k/s1600/IMG_2282.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggiMsgcOWkoAGFPV96HgO-XVWYkks6RA_PoeBYvKPwPJjBM3DO2hxIQPA_iQIHrbTUyfzjvx7WVKs4UZ2zLGwHUDBh9-u9WhBtCHdiLjvyvEcFi_2rAFe0TE40tzA23aJ8-WBGw7A3R-k/s320/IMG_2282.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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After the eggs cool (I just put them in the oven overnight), divide the pan into 16-18 servings. I cut across the middle first, then in half the other direction... it makes it easier to get more even slices.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9slsXB26DOhRVDG7gU0CoQo_1KdhGD2qojLtofH6y6oQbnjif3QxMUhuhZ6OnjsnKNax2lzc_7FWhfrX8p4tex-V7JBLeWK-hkuiL-5XJlItoBpUjTLi5IR49fH609pZK4RFIcMwuIDo/s1600/IMG_2284.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9slsXB26DOhRVDG7gU0CoQo_1KdhGD2qojLtofH6y6oQbnjif3QxMUhuhZ6OnjsnKNax2lzc_7FWhfrX8p4tex-V7JBLeWK-hkuiL-5XJlItoBpUjTLi5IR49fH609pZK4RFIcMwuIDo/s320/IMG_2284.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSlhUZequciQS8pS8VwVFyf2who-CJJfAfuuwNtB2N9F6uP9KBi230dGlak_FMCwRH8CgrewDaxXAyWoTyXGDR3_peeIMeN8Nk80rHkUPkE-kOG0TgXXqxFC7Xmbll2bqcbVCqk-8rGgc/s1600/IMG_2285.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSlhUZequciQS8pS8VwVFyf2who-CJJfAfuuwNtB2N9F6uP9KBi230dGlak_FMCwRH8CgrewDaxXAyWoTyXGDR3_peeIMeN8Nk80rHkUPkE-kOG0TgXXqxFC7Xmbll2bqcbVCqk-8rGgc/s320/IMG_2285.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Lay out your tortillas with cheese and wrap.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqiw8hEqHVf0vPomCH5IRDdBFjRO0FzoNj-rflXoT_bNrzlLS-PHhElI8uxKPUdZoDUtBxQZC2ZAuo8jMnL_Rgr1HgbExci37yUnNNWPfNZUos8st0gkKhiY7G7fgqb-7yGE1tT-iLRDs/s1600/IMG_2288.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqiw8hEqHVf0vPomCH5IRDdBFjRO0FzoNj-rflXoT_bNrzlLS-PHhElI8uxKPUdZoDUtBxQZC2ZAuo8jMnL_Rgr1HgbExci37yUnNNWPfNZUos8st0gkKhiY7G7fgqb-7yGE1tT-iLRDs/s320/IMG_2288.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Wrap each on with plastic wrap and you're ready to go!</div>
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I keep them in the fridge in a drawer and they're ready to go for my early morning husband and kids!</div>
<h3 style="text-align: center;">
<b>What is your favorite easy-go to recipe?</b></h3>
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<br />byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-89112715792768095392013-08-10T13:10:00.000-07:002013-08-10T13:13:13.887-07:00Raising Children with a Healthy Self Esteem, Positive Body Image and Self ConfidenceI have five <i><b>very </b></i>different children. Five children, who, for the most part are very self assured, have very positive self images and healthy views of their bodies.<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh21uY0LIAgItBzdk7WY6izGFObR61ugjWJxUUhrLU9ff1ZLo5TCpl6Ivn8olqdRbgsFzTFv-e3PIMJBFS3cT3qJN4r-HVJxusHn6OXvUc-qtPk1Hju3bXiMWsdPlFDFyvY8y9doy_L0bY/s1600/1064885_4706180982850_1255177860_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh21uY0LIAgItBzdk7WY6izGFObR61ugjWJxUUhrLU9ff1ZLo5TCpl6Ivn8olqdRbgsFzTFv-e3PIMJBFS3cT3qJN4r-HVJxusHn6OXvUc-qtPk1Hju3bXiMWsdPlFDFyvY8y9doy_L0bY/s320/1064885_4706180982850_1255177860_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My two boys, 14 months apart, the one on the left had been to the gym maybe 10 times at the time of this photo. The one in the right has been into sports his whole life and spent the last semester in weight lifting at school. They are both proud of their own accomplishments, even though they are built so differently. They were complimentary to each other, even though they are both highly competitive. <b>This was a BIG "win" in my book!</b></td></tr>
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I've purposefully raised them from the get go to be <b>individuals </b>and to be proud of their OWN individuality. We have always talked very openly about our bodies, body types as well as nutrition and exercise. We've always been very open about body changes/puberty, periods, PMS and hormones. We talk about sexuality and attractiveness. <br />
<br />
<span style="color: blue; font-weight: bold;">I find it ironic that in my most recent journey towards both physical AND mental fitness... that I've started realizing that all of the things I've told my kids from the very beginning are true for me, too. </span><b> </b><i style="font-weight: bold;">(I know, it shouldn't be rocket science, but I had a lot more baggage to get over than they did). </i> I am not different than them, I don't need to starve myself or 'wait until I'm lean and fit' before I'm worthy of acceptance. <br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>If I wouldn't talk down to my children the way that I talk down to myself... why do I think its okay to talk to myself that way???</b><br />
<br />
Things I've told my children that I need to learn.<br />
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">We all have different body types. None of them are better than any others, it just means that you might have to do different things to stay lean than someone else, if that's what you want. You might have more curves, bigger boobs, no boobs, a bigger butt or wider shoulders... you might gain muscle really easily, you might gain fat easily, too. You have to work with what you've got.</span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Eat when you're hungry. Eat food that makes you feel good. </span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">When you eat something that makes you feel crappy/gives you a head ache/makes you tired... either eat that less, or find other things to eat with it that help your body deal with it better <i>(ie: in my case, eating protein with sugar helps me not have that sugar crash later)</i></span></li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you. At all. </span></li>
</ul>
<br />
I didn't really know if any of these words were "sticking" as they grew up... until my middle daughter decided at 13 to make a youtube channel. I pictured all of the nasty comments I'd seen on kids channels before. I knew that she was coming to a time where her skin would probably break out, that she might gain some 'chubbiness' as her body and hormones leveled out. *I* don't care about those things... she didn't appear to... but I knew that someone online wouldn't hesitate to bring it up.<br />
<br />
<i>Her first... non complimentary comment was pretty mild. After a long, somewhat rambling video, someone posted "Zzzzz....Z.zzzz.... Zzzzz..."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>Her reply? "Hey, I think your phone is buzzing, you should go answer it." </i><br />
<br />
I laughed and realized that <b><i>she simply wasn't as sensitive as I was, because she is confident in WHO she is</i></b> :)<br />
<br />
Then she did a video review of some makeup... and her skin had broken out (just a little), but she didn't seem to care. <br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/YZo1WUSq7QY" width="560"></iframe><br />
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<b>Then this happened:</b></div>
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Now I know it wasn't horribly mean, but I know that for me as a teen... that would have had me <b>piling </b>on the makeup (I was very insecure about my looks... always). <br />
<br />
I wondered after that, if she would start being more paranoid about it... but, nope. She honestly didn't care and has continued to show herself as confident, self assured and happy with herself.<br />
<br />
Since then, we've had two girls with completely different body types hitting puberty, filling out and changing... I thought that might cause some problems, and there have been some spats, but they're very minor.<br />
<br />
One of them was,<i> (My youngest daughter, 12), "Mom, when we were at our friends house, *P* told them that I had boobs!!!" (she is JUST starting to develop, but earlier than her sisters did)</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I just said, "Well, you ARE getting boobs, aren't you?"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"Um, yeah."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>I said, "Well then, I imagine that your friends and their mom all know what boobs are, right?" She nodded. "Then I suppose they can SEE that you're getting boobs, so its really no big secret, right?"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"No, I guess not."</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"Are you sorry that you're getting boobs?"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>She almost seemed offended, "Well NO!"</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>"Then what is the problem? If you have boobs, some people are going to notice. Maybe your sister is just getting panicked because she thinks you'll get bigger boobs than her, maybe she's just so surprised, she wanted to point it out. Maybe she was just being bitchy and trying to get a reaction, but honestly, it doesn't need to be a big deal. I don't think she meant it to be hurtful, I think she's just surprised by the whole thing."</i><br />
<br />
She seemed completely reassured and everything was fine<i> (and to be clear, if my daughter is being bitchy, I have no problem admitting that, to her or anyone else, we all have our days, especially the passionate people in this house!)</i>. I took a volatile situation and made it NORMAL and OKAY. Its okay to change, its okay to feel strange and need to talk about it,<b> but it is not necessary to let other peoples' words, observations or opinions change out own perspective.</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
I don't know. Maybe I'm just talking out of my ass here, and no one wants to hear what I have to say. I do have a LOT to say on raising children, though... I'm just not sure if I should say it :) Parenting is such an individual thing. Hell, I'm a different parent to each of my children within my own house. If there is one thing I've learned, all children are different and you can't just treat them all the same and expect the same results!<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Any specific topics you'd like me to cover (especially when it comes to self image, body consciousness and instilling confidence in our children)?</b>byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-53962817437945136402013-08-05T14:00:00.000-07:002013-08-10T13:38:00.550-07:00Parenting: Getting Teenagers to be Quiet in the Evenings<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">(From a journal post in March, 2013)</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">So, I've been falling asleep earlier. Anyone whose been here for any length of time knows that I have struggled with insomnia for a long time.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">My kids are generally good about being quiet at night. And going to bed at a reasonable hour. I used to be awake to be witness to this, or to tell them to "Hush" if they started getting noisy.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Things have changed. They've been staying up later, getting more obnoxious<i> (or the fact that I'm not actually able to sleep IF its not quiet has changed things)...</i> <b>So, I have tried several ways to tell them that I don't care WHEN they go to bed, as long as they aren't grouchy the next day AND as long as they are QUIET at "bedtime".</b></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">We've started having a struggle with the quiet. The kids, being teenagers, on breaks or weekend especially, have been staying up later and later and later and getting LOUDER to the point that its disrupting my sleep, Abyni's sleep...<b> its just gotten ridiculous.</b></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">The other night, in the car with my 15 year old daughter *P* and 17 year old son *K*, *P* was being a SPAZ, and I told her that she'd <b>have to calm her tits once we got home because it was bedtime</b>. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">The kids were all, <i>"Well, good luck with that!"</i> and I tried talking to them reasonably about it being an issue of respect... to no avail, so <b>I explained a little what I MEANT by 'mutual respect'.</b></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: trebuchet ms, arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, ms pgothic, sans-serif;">I said,</span><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span></span><br />
<b style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="background-color: white; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Listen, your father and I are quiet when WE go to bed out of respect for your ears, so you can and had best start showing MUTUAL respect for the quiet that happens at bedtime, or we may not bother to be quiet either."</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
My 15 year old got it immediately and was all, "EWWWW!!!"</div>
</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
The oldest son, oddly enough, took a bit before he started </div>
</span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b style="color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 1.4em;">"OMG! MOM!!! EWWWWWWW!!! I'm SCARRED!!!! OH MY GOD!"</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I just said, "What? I mean when we're watching movies, we're always quiet in OUR ROOM..."</div>
</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">But they didn't believe me. This is a good thing.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'trebuchet ms', arial, hirakakupro-w3, osaka, 'ms pgothic', sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;"><b>Boy, was it quiet in our house that evening.</b> I think I made my point.</span>byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-72134479908263167622013-07-29T11:04:00.000-07:002013-07-30T08:06:17.742-07:00Epiphanies whilst Eating the Food and Finding Myself<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">This is kind of a rambling post, just raw feelings as I have some realizations about myself on this journey.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b>Learning to love myself is much harder than I thought it would be.</b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjduK97l7HCaCYOmNRImKSNZw2PiFI03Fisq7wMuvhRJ9ACFlwFTEQeyBTmwhwRQ-0NlkWSzCbPX-AACi5P2D6zUDuuBCPUlgfnS3kDwe3Kye_dKNXm5l9TZqQTz2zTNslauti9qTgQ5bQ/s1600/handheart.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjduK97l7HCaCYOmNRImKSNZw2PiFI03Fisq7wMuvhRJ9ACFlwFTEQeyBTmwhwRQ-0NlkWSzCbPX-AACi5P2D6zUDuuBCPUlgfnS3kDwe3Kye_dKNXm5l9TZqQTz2zTNslauti9qTgQ5bQ/s320/handheart.JPG" width="271" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I realized last night that I'm subconsciously twisting things to fit my own self doubt. Subconsciously setting myself up for failure and self loathing. Feeding my insecurities.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">There are games that I play that he can't possibly win... because I play them to keep my own insecurities at the forefront because I don't think I deserve to feel good about myself. I don't deserve to be loved.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I want him to chase me. I want him to want me. Yet I feel so insecure about myself that I can't bear to be touched if there is any chance that he's going to be repelled by my weight. I don't believe him when he says he wants me. He can't win.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Somewhere deep inside me, I feel unloveable. Undeserving of love and affection. I don't know how to reach this part and bring it out. I attribute it to the weight I've gained, but I know its deeper than that. Its not like I felt deserving of love when I was thinner. I always think, 'I can't control what is going on inside of my thoughts/feelings but I <i>can </i>control the weight, even if I can't seem to fix what's inside. <b> </b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><br /></b></span>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 13px;"><b>This has been my lifelong battle with my weight. I'm trying to control the one thing that feels like it is within my ability to control when everything else seems out of my hands.</b></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I go to bed alone, lonely, aching for his touch. He comes to bed and curls up around me, his hands caressing me and I tell myself that its only because I made a big deal about him not being attracted to me anymore. He can't win.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">He will admit that although he is still attracted to me, he was more attracted to me when I was leaner. I can't even be angry, because I feel the same way about myself. How can he possibly be *as* attracted to me now, 70 pounds heavier? Why do I have to hear that as a black and white <i>"I don't want you until you lose the weight"</i>, <b><i>when that isn't <u>at all</u> what he said?</i></b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I asked him to tell me the things that he finds sexy or attractive about me, so that I would feel sexier. He commented that my ass is looking pretty fine. It wasn't a surprise, or maybe it was, but it broke my heart a little bit that that was the only positive thing he could think to say about my looks.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I don't know how to "eat the food" and be okay with continuing to stall or gain weight, but I LOVE not being a slave to food anymore. <i>I KNOW this is the right thing to do. </i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I thoroughly believe that I need to eat enough, and that taking restrictions off has absolutely helped me with my disordered eating habits.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I don't know how to quit drinking when I feel so devastated and undeserving of happiness. I know that if I quit drinking every night that I would be able to lose the weight faster. I just need to get my head in the right place. I was sober for almost 4 months at the beginning of this year. I <i>can </i>do it again.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Maybe if I stay sober long enough, I can force myself to deal with these feelings that I keep bottled up and get them out. Get the voices out of my head that tell me I don't deserve to be happy, that I don't deserve to be loved. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I will continue to meditate on it, and try to change those voices... it feels good to just get it out of my head right now.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b>I deserve to be loved. </b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b>I am beautiful.</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b>My body is... </b><i>(</i></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><i>Maybe I'm not quite there yet.)</i></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b>My body is strong.</b></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><i>I want this to be the last time that I struggle with food.</i> I want to get healthy and lose weight in a healthy way so that I can maintain it. I want to get past the inner struggles and <i>heal myself from the inside out.</i> I deserve to be loved, and my husband deserves to have a wife who can accept his love and love him back. I will get there. I am not giving up, because as much as I am hurting right this minute, I feel like I am finally on a sane path to healing my self image and learning to love myself.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">And when my husband asked me how I was feeling today, I wrote, "</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">Odd space. Depressed. Feeling unloveable, unattractive and lonely."</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">His reply, <b>"</b></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><b>You are a beautiful, funny, intelligent, attractive and witty person who I love with all my heart." </b>If only I could have a loop of HIS thoughts about me playing in my head all day!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">I know this was a sad post, but it was pretty raw and honest and I hope that by acknowledging my feelings on this, that I can get them out of my head and maybe start some healing conversations that will help others along with myself.</span>byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-56304250854855070202013-07-28T17:47:00.000-07:002013-07-28T17:47:00.401-07:00Outflow: Challenge of the Week: Uplifting OthersIn the book "Creative Visualization" by Shakti Gawain, there is a chapter on "Outflow" where the reader is asked to put forth positive thoughts/actions/compliments to others. So my challenge to you (and myself!) this week is to purposely seek out ways to compliment/uplift others. <br />
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<b>Some things I thought I'd try:</b><br />
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<ul>
<li>Send a card to a friend for no reason other than to thank them for something that they've done for you or just because of their enduring friendship.</li>
<li>Give a stranger a compliment every day. (I often THINK to do this, but then I hesitate or feel awkward. I'm going to change that and give at least one stranger/compliment a day)</li>
<li>Giving my kids positive reinforcement/thank you for things that I have started to take for granted. I am going to tell them something that I appreciate about who they are as a person and not JUST things that they've done.</li>
<li>Thank some of my online supporters personally and publicly/privately for being an encouragement/support.</li>
<li>Encourage my daughter and her husband by saying positive things about them and their relationship in their first year of marriage.</li>
<li>Encourage my kids friends</li>
<li>Post something encouraging about an online friend once each day.</li>
<li>Buy an inexpensive gift/gift card to send to someone for no particular event/reason.</li>
</ul>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple;"><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">AND, because learning to love myself is part of this whole process, I'm going to say something nice to myself every day as well. </span></b> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>What are your ideas?</b></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">I'm sure I'll think of more to add to the list, but that's off the top of my head.</span></i></div>
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byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-9408301293365774412013-07-27T11:08:00.001-07:002013-07-27T11:08:29.017-07:00NSV: Non Scale Victory: My Scale Doesn't Always Show my Progress... DEFINITELY TRUE!NSV: I've been feeling frustrated with my lack of visible progress, so I went and looked back through some of the first pages in my workout notebook... Wow. I had forgotten some things. My first week at the gym, I couldn't make it 8 minutes on the elliptical (and that was with a 5 minute WARM UP!) and was literally in tears, feeling like a failure. I could only do squats with a 30lb dumbbell and split squats with NO weight nearly killed me. I pulled my back out seriously within the first few days of my workout and was out for three and a half weeks...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhi6Ya2wYqNd1ynqHWBSkFfBaUlTlA-nSqm1mssIRB3RQlpnZh0V3rmRyxBzKr1EcG1_XpCoZ_qiLNGcKm115t9o6-6Xd5mZr7PyVlKMh0Cv0xtq0d_34G9aSZ2ImbVoWWFecBDp9EyYw/s1600/71413_618635281504059_1604085904_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhi6Ya2wYqNd1ynqHWBSkFfBaUlTlA-nSqm1mssIRB3RQlpnZh0V3rmRyxBzKr1EcG1_XpCoZ_qiLNGcKm115t9o6-6Xd5mZr7PyVlKMh0Cv0xtq0d_34G9aSZ2ImbVoWWFecBDp9EyYw/s320/71413_618635281504059_1604085904_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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And yet, I still went back. I started again. I have to admit, I wore a big baggy sweatshirt to the gym ALWAYS. I couldn't look in the mirror and I left the gym those first few weeks feeling like I would never see a change. I was in tears more often than not as I left.<br />
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BUT I KEPT GOING. Six months later:<br />
My 55lb bench press is now 110#for three sets of 10. <br />
My deadlift of 40lbs is now 110 for 3 sets of 8<br />
My ZERO weighted hip thrusts are now done with 70lbs<br />
My lat pulldown of 70lbs is now 120 for 3 sets of 8<br />
My cable rows went from 50 to 100lbs<br />
My 1 arm DB row went from 20 to 40lbs<br />
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At many times in my life, those first few weeks would have made me give up. I am so glad that I didn't let those set backs keep me from progressing. I'm continually learning, I'm continually getting stronger and I feel really proud of my accomplishments. I love getting strong and feeling better about myself. If I can do it... anyone can. <br />
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And then I have to remind myself that I HAVE seen a LOT of physical changes. I may have stalled currently on the weight loss, but I need to remember that for me, anyway, my weight loss always seems to do that. I build and build and then suddenly *BOOM* there is a sudden drop in weight and body fat. That's just how my body works.</div>
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Besides, there is something to be said for going from someone who was too ashamed to go out in public without sweats and a hoodie to cover herself up... to the woman rocking this dress:</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDoZwFN2YSwBALtd7JWvclWBkp73UnhD-TEsxsqQjL8I6LEE-52dRASoIbFUUzjuHKtEimYNuVvKLhS4hSlIYexpLLX98LDR07oTkT2Jpvct-FPzHG6jL6fQE7O7nzfjCXx5OPbkBNxJo/s1600/Collage-2013-07-03.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDoZwFN2YSwBALtd7JWvclWBkp73UnhD-TEsxsqQjL8I6LEE-52dRASoIbFUUzjuHKtEimYNuVvKLhS4hSlIYexpLLX98LDR07oTkT2Jpvct-FPzHG6jL6fQE7O7nzfjCXx5OPbkBNxJo/s320/Collage-2013-07-03.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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I also want to note that without my workout partner (especially Marie), I wouldn't have been able to keep up with this. It is SO great to have a workout partner and I encourage you to find someone to workout with, if you don't already have someone!byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-2924138945358904872013-07-24T09:07:00.000-07:002013-07-24T09:07:48.237-07:00PMS, Eating the Food and Learning that its OKAY to Let Yourself Cry.*Ladies TMI* I need to remember that my emotional state is severely affected by hormones towards the END of my period rather than right before like 'back in the day'. I started noticing this shift a few years ago (I'm 42) and its only gotten more severe lately. <br />
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My period starts and forgetting that I JUST went through this a month ago, I think, "Wow!!! My period started and I didn't have any emotional meltdowns!!!"<br />
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Then by the middle of the period, I feel super fat and bloated and it hits me HARD emotionally. I struggle and flounder for a few days of arguing with myself, "No, I am NOT going to feel bad about myself damn it!" "YES I AM. I FEEL FATTTTTT"<br />
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Then it peaks about the last day of my period and I keep bursting into tears over nothing and everything and my mind bounces around trying to find something happy/peaceful to land on and I just cry instead.<br />
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Yesterday was my super emotional day. Which also fell on my birthday. Which also fell during a visit from my brother and dad (Severely dysfunction family and childhood issues abound) that left me feeling... *dark* for lack of a better word. <br />
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I was feeling bad ABOUT feeling bad and starting to really cycle down into the self abuse cycle when some friends reminded me that it is perfectly OKAY to feel sad and just cry. IT IS NORMAL TO FEEL SAD SOMETIMES. <br />
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So I did. I just let myself feel sad. And then I had some birthday drinks and I slept like a rock. I woke up this morning feeling like I had literally lost ten pounds over night. The period bloating is gone, my emotional surge feels done and I didn't *fix* it by trying to stuff everything down! I feel like this is progress!!!<br />
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OH! One other thing, I was craving chocolate like MAD all weekend and through yesterday. Even though I no longer keep foods on a restricted list and could have had it at any time, I just had probably 4 chocolate zucchini muffins and one small cup of ice cream over the entire FIVE DAYS of perioding!!! Not restricting is helping me so much. Usually I would have used the hormones/pms as a 'screw this! I'm eating it because I feel horrible and I *deserve* it.' This time, since I knew I could just have it whenever I wanted, I just kept thinking, "eh, I'll just get something later". I took the *Treat* factor out of it for myself. I LOVE THIS.<br />
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Tonight is workout #3 from "<a href="http://www.niashanks.com/" target="_blank">The Beautiful Badass Workout</a>" by Nia Shanksbyntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-20660397470019099072013-07-23T18:33:00.000-07:002013-07-24T09:58:30.328-07:00Setting Daily Goals for Positive Visualization to change my Body, my Self Image and My Life.<b>Today is my birthday. I am 42 years old.</b> I have spent almost 4 decades being horrible to myself, refusing to love myself outside of some 'perfect' nearly unattainable physical goal.<br />
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I am done with that. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXxLVJZaGPIeWS8J-lI9jGOffNUiHgUnrOYdg5xUi3jezfGzyMe-FWo7ZInzcFiDmCG9j8PdsL4kg435sroYa4Q5TfpedU3Tgm5HmcgAzgeWyNP8kpLyrKIUZRjaG8b0zyTVyRWO1o1W0/s1600/999681_10201045768740497_494570305_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXxLVJZaGPIeWS8J-lI9jGOffNUiHgUnrOYdg5xUi3jezfGzyMe-FWo7ZInzcFiDmCG9j8PdsL4kg435sroYa4Q5TfpedU3Tgm5HmcgAzgeWyNP8kpLyrKIUZRjaG8b0zyTVyRWO1o1W0/s320/999681_10201045768740497_494570305_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Singing "Baby Got Back" with two of my kids at my birthday party and just enjoying my friends and my party. PMSing, bloated... and yet I was able to just let go and have FUN and make a REALLY memorable night for myself, my friends and my family. Any other year, I would have stayed home by myself and been miserable because I was allowing my self loathing to dictate that I didn't "deserve" to have fun and be around people unless I was at my "goal weight" and looked "good enough." Fuck that noise!!! No more!!!</td></tr>
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Does that mean I'm <i>giving up</i> on my health, getting fitter, more muscular and leaner?</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: purple; font-size: large;">Absofuckinglutely NOT.</span></b></div>
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It means I am through waiting for "the perfect body" before I'll love myself. I am never going to change my body by hating it, beating it up and always looking at myself as fat, unattractive and worthless. From now on I am going to retrain my thoughts to think positively about myself. I am going to feel beautiful and just get sexier every day. </div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Goals:</span></b></div>
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<ul>
<li>Workout (Free download: <a href="http://www.niashanks.com/" target="_blank">Beautiful Badass</a> by Nia Shanks) three days a week. Lift HEAVY. Get STRONG.</li>
<li>Use visualization during workouts. Be focused and purposeful.</li>
<li>Meditation for at least 15 minutes a day. (3 times a day for 5 minutes each, probably, as I'm not very good at sitting still).</li>
<li>Keep the house clean (this helps my stress level immensely if I don't have to walk around looking at mess)</li>
<li>Blog 3 days a week: Day One: Creative Visualization Exercises/Challenges, Day Two: Fitness/Progress Pics/Workouts, etc., Day Three: Non Scale Victories/Personal realizations</li>
</ul>
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<b><span style="color: purple;">Share your goals with me! What would you like to accomplish on a daily/weekly basis?</span></b></div>
byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-44955835810525423422013-07-22T09:06:00.000-07:002013-07-22T09:48:48.565-07:00Creative Visualization in Practice: My First Time using Shakti Gawain's techniques<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial; font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://fitspirationover40.blogspot.com/2013/07/putting-power-of-positivecreative.html" target="_blank">As I posted yesterday</a>, I read the book "Creative Visualization" after a few months of really feeling that the positive thinking area is where I needed to focus my attention to make serious changes in my life. Today I did my first guided meditation, using the methods of meditating in that book. It was a lot mroe intense than I expected.</span><br />
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STRANGE. </div>
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Or it was the subliminal 'stress relief' audio.</div>
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At first it was really easy, relaxing. I did the grounding exercise and found it really easy to visualize the roots going into the ground, but I couldn't visualize the connect through the head/universe thing. </div>
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I finally just left that and started on the energy points. That felt easy. Just hitting each energy point and feeling it come 'on' down, then up, then back down from head, throat, chest, midsection, pelvis & feet and then up again. That felt so easy and 'right' that I used that whenever I found myself being distracted.</div>
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I started out with some of the affirmations, <span id="docs-internal-guid-17173380-070a-637d-76c2-e0e93a3e94f9"></span><br />
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-17173380-070a-637d-76c2-e0e93a3e94f9"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><b>Infinite riches are now flowing into my life</b></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-17173380-070a-9a1f-18d0-75d0d3f709e4"><b><span style="vertical-align: baseline;">Everything is coming to me </span><span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline;">easily and effortlessly</span></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>I have a firm, sexy body</b></span></div>
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As money/financial stress is the biggest stress in my life right now, and I believe it has had a huge impact on my weight gain (constant stress fatigues the adrenals) that is my MAIN focus. I need that stress gone so that I can get healthy.</div>
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<b>Then I started visualizing having $2,000.00. Extra, unexpected money.</b> I counted it in my hands, showed it to the kids, posted about it on livejournal and on my blog. I then tried laying it out on the table and kept feeling blocked, so I went back tot he energy points for a while, then came back and laid the money out on the couch and counted it. I used half of it to pay back part of a loan and half to pay bills and felt SO MUCH RELIEF.</div>
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I then watched my husband as he went about his day and saw him finding money in random, unexpected places. On the ground at the gas station where he stops to get gas, on a sidewalk, on the floor of the mail truck, odd places. Once it even floated onto his windshield as you were delivering mail. Some loose change, some dollar bills, a roll of money that had a twenty and a ten dollar bill in it.</div>
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Then I remembered about finding the 'safe place' or whatever it was called. I found myself sitting on the beach watching the kids play in the ocean with you sitting beside me. I felt deeply content and at peace.</div>
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Then I remembered that I had <i>wanted</i> to have my secret place be a secluded waterfall :) so I started to go there instead, but then suddenly (this is really really weird) my husband and I were in a basket type thing (like in a hot air balloon, but on a zip line instead) high in some tropical mountains and I FREAKED OUT in the basket. SO much so that my first thought was to jump out because surely death was preferable to feeling that much fear and anxiety.</div>
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That was SO strange to me that I decided at that point to not have a secret place right now and I went back to the energy points again. I did that over and over until I felt calm and then went back to seeing you at work. I ran my hand over your shoulder and visualized heat and healing to your shoulder ...</div>
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Holy god this sounds so freaking weird... seriously. This is WEIRD to write, but its what my brain did, so I want to write it down.) Never having done this in a purposeful way before, I just let my mind go where it wanted for the most part as I tried some of the exercises that I remembered from the "Creative Visualization" book.</div>
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Anyway, I visualized running my hands over my husband's head, down the back of his head and over his shoulder. I did that over and over for a while and it felt so real that I started to wonder if he was feeling it. :) I can't tell you how much I want him to be pain free (he has an old shoulder injury that has nearly disabled him). I spent a bit of time there, trying things that seemed helpful.</div>
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<b>Body Imagery</b></div>
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<b>Then I visualized myself, starting at my feet and working my way up, then stalled so I started at the top of my head. I visualized my skin smoothing (almost like photo editing:), extra fat melting away, spots melting away, muscle definition showing up. I started from the top and worked my way down and then back up the backside. This seemed to take a while and felt really difficult at times, but once I refocused, I was able to finish the whole process.</b></div>
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And now my mind just blanked. I don't know what else happened. At some point soon thereafter I just started feeling anxiety and stress, so I just brought myself out of that state and got up.</div>
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The cat was meowing, so I let her out and felt incredible amounts of stress so I locked the door. It felt very weird, so I came back to our room to write this out before I forgot. I turned off the subliminal stress relief and typed this up. </div>
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That's where I am. I feel excited to see the effects of this process.</div>
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byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-25662204882546792952013-07-21T17:36:00.006-07:002013-07-21T18:10:06.352-07:00Putting The Power of Positive/Creative Visualization to WorkI have been thinking a lot about positive thinking, purposefully trying to change my attitude about my body, especially, but also in my life in general.<br />
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I'm going to work through the exercises in the book "Creative Visualization" by Shakti Gawain by typing them up into a blog post once a week. I am going to change my negative thought patterns around myself, my body, finances and health... and blog about it as I go.</div>
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<b>First Assignment: Figure Out What Your Goals Are</b> <i>(Write the first thing that comes to mind)</i></div>
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<b>Career/Work:</b></div>
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Become a certified personal trainer</div>
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Sell my art</div>
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<b>Money</b></div>
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Have more than enough to sustain our desired lives comfortably</div>
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Have abundant finances, allowing me to help friends and those in need</div>
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<b>Lifestyle/Possessions</b></div>
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Own working vehicles and everything in our home and in our yard is working effectively and efficiently</div>
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Change morning and evening habits to include relaxation exercises (and cut out alcohol 5-6 nights a week)</div>
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<b>Relationships</b></div>
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I will have an intimate, passionate, deeply loving relationship with my husband</div>
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I will have a close, deeply loving and respectful relationship with my children and their friends and partners. They will feel comfortable coming to me for advice on anything.</div>
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<b>Creative Self Expression</b></div>
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I will create amazing works of art, the medium I choose will flow perfectly and make people feel wonderful and at peace when they look at them.</div>
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My house will be my colorful, peaceful and relaxing sanctuary for myself and my family.</div>
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<b>Leisure/Travel</b></div>
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I will have a wonderful vacation alone with my husband on a beach in the perfect climate.</div>
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Our family will have an amazing fun and adventurous tropical vacation together.</div>
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<b>Personal Growth/Education</b></div>
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I will learn/read/absorb everything I can about utilizing the powers of positive thinking, creative visualization and changing my mind and attitude towards things in life.</div>
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<b><span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I will learn the best way to help myself and others to get in the healthiest state of our/their lives.</span></b></div>
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<b>Phew! That was actually kind of enlightening.</b> I really just wrote in a stream of consciousness and some of these things came out and I read it and thought, "Huh. I didn't realize THAT would be my answer." I set myself a limit/goal of two per category, but feel free to write whatever or however many you want. Just type or write without thinking too hard... let it flow.</div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Share your goals in the comments if you like.</span></b></div>
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byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-17257421800689338782013-07-18T10:21:00.000-07:002013-07-18T10:21:10.191-07:00NOT Eating the Food and Emotional Melt Downs.<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Yesterday turned into an emotional melt down. Quite likely because I didn't eat much and when I did, I was desperate, in a hurry and eating food from a convenience store that I KNOW tends to make me feel crappy. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">I had a couple of things that I needed to do that turned into what felt like a million things to do and I was just rushing all over the place. I kept forgetting to take my water with me, so I was dehydrated. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">By the end of the day, I was an emotional wreck. I was exhausted, I felt like my body was disgusting and I just wanted to cry.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">I tried looking at progress photos to remind myself that I AM getting there, I AM making progress, but last night, all I saw was fat and disgusting and I just wanted to beat myself up more.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Today I can look at these photos and see that yeah, I'm not where I want to be at the end, but I AM making progress. I am growing muscles and I'm IMPROVING every week!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQrrtsqLolLES7KyahASO2YvBJDXlZMR5EVX6Q2Cp_thirdDsQIpFoxHiihipEGmpkYFwlSItH8es1RbIQD3YQG9LkMfVfmZpSj2zRjkriFylGCBm10jfmXicx-S2HQygu4HCEa5Vaing/s1600/cropped.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQrrtsqLolLES7KyahASO2YvBJDXlZMR5EVX6Q2Cp_thirdDsQIpFoxHiihipEGmpkYFwlSItH8es1RbIQD3YQG9LkMfVfmZpSj2zRjkriFylGCBm10jfmXicx-S2HQygu4HCEa5Vaing/s200/cropped.JPG" width="104" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiaebC6qeFPpVDWn1M0FJiir2Y9bazXaIvf3ryRmiErua3-jlOn-kRhfGzQR56dPuLaSbCAC-BOsGxnt7wq8zUON1C3N8bZVkywNQmSRCJp8bFw4UvdAfJvS6hqLzVRUoJeaAd-ZCiacw/s1600/IMG_9614.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiaebC6qeFPpVDWn1M0FJiir2Y9bazXaIvf3ryRmiErua3-jlOn-kRhfGzQR56dPuLaSbCAC-BOsGxnt7wq8zUON1C3N8bZVkywNQmSRCJp8bFw4UvdAfJvS6hqLzVRUoJeaAd-ZCiacw/s200/IMG_9614.JPG" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">I REALLY think most of my emotional meltdown was about the food I ate. I didn't have hardly any money, so I ended up eating a snickers bar and 2 corn dogs. I think I might have had a shake at home, and I had a bit of protein when I first woke up... and that was it. I didn't eat hardly anything. I also didn't make it to the gym because I was literally running errands/shuttling people around all day.</span><br /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Today is a new day. I had bacon and eggs for breakfast and today has already 'felt' better </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Fuel your body in ways that make it feel GOOD, in ways that make you feel good and give you the energy to move to make yourself feel even better!</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Have a fabulous day!!! I'm going to! I'm going to feel great about myself, I'm going to use this body to clean my house and prepare for a big birthday bash this weekend for my husband and I (we're 6 days apart) So HAVE A FABULOUS DAY and LOVE YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT and because I said so!</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Mwah!!! (I'm feeling a little sassy today:)</span>byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-80028230580959288782013-07-16T10:24:00.000-07:002013-07-18T10:24:33.146-07:00Just Because I've Decided to Love Myself NOW, DOES NOT Mean That I'm Giving Up.<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I think that although I haven't 'given up' on an aesthetic ideal by any means, I HAVE decided to focus more on my mental/emotional side AND getting stronger/building muscle FIRST. I want to give myself time to heal from my disordered think</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">ing and self loathing that I've suffered with for most of my life. I deserve better. I've made it my goal to lift heavy 4 times a week or more for six months solid, and THEN worry about aesthetics again if I want/need to. The muscle will help a LOT with fat loss, and having the time to learn to love myself will help me feel better in every way.<br /><br />I used to always think that if I could just get thin enough FIRST, THEN I could learn to love myself. Too many failed attempts (and even getting lean!) didn't help me love myself. I think I had it backwards and I have nothing to lose by loving myself first.<br /><br />So here is my priority: Stronger, Healthier, Learn to Love myself. Revisit in a few months to see where I am.</span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">I'm tired of the habit I've had of always thinking that "I will love myself when I lose x amount of pounds". No. I deserve to love myself NOW. I wouldn't want my children to think that way, and I don't deserve to feel that way any longer either. Neither do you.</span>byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-74723386068713487772013-06-08T11:36:00.001-07:002013-06-08T11:53:24.365-07:00My Five Months lifting and "Eating the Food" 'progress'<br />
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<b style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 17px;">My lifting and "Eating the Food" 'progress' thus far.</b></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;" /></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;">Here we go... *gulp* I started lifting in mid-to late January. I had to take it easy for the first month as I was coming off of a back injury, but I started lifting 3-5 days a week. Soon I was lifting 5-6 days a week with 1 hour workouts and I really really LOVE lifting. No cardio.</span></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;" /></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;">During April I started "<a href="http://gokaleo.com/2012/08/21/putting-the-calorie-pieces-together/" target="_blank">Eating the Food</a>" (not that I was really purposefully restricting anything other than grains before that, but I DEFINITELY wasn't eating enough because I just didn't know!)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17px;">In May I added some little bursts of HIIT cardio during my lifting, but took the workouts down to 2 days a week because I was on my feet all weekends for Ren Faire. So while there isn't a LOT of progress from the second to third row, the fact that there wasn't much decline when I took over a month off from 5-6 day a week workouts AND upped my calories quite a bit... I think that says a lot. </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLblpabaCCJ1_zHwYMrsEbucEfNTcUrZ72UMwpAsTgTVjsgefO_IDgSUchuAG3M46qiHGlFY5pPRYw2O-mRxtRzdahZECoegB2vhdSpZdgyz8yJeqljgkRK6YHLnkrcFbqTE-JqO9rcyI/s1600/Collage-2013-06-09.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><span style="color: black;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLblpabaCCJ1_zHwYMrsEbucEfNTcUrZ72UMwpAsTgTVjsgefO_IDgSUchuAG3M46qiHGlFY5pPRYw2O-mRxtRzdahZECoegB2vhdSpZdgyz8yJeqljgkRK6YHLnkrcFbqTE-JqO9rcyI/s320/Collage-2013-06-09.jpg" width="229" /></span></a><b style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 17px;">First row</b><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 17px;"> (Jan) I was 210 pounds, 41% bf and MISERABLE. My own body issues, but I was VERY uncomfortable in my skin. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17px;"><b>Second Row</b>, I was working our 5-6 days a week and losing, 195 lbs and 35.7% bf</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17px;"><b>Third row:</b> Today, ETF (ZERO restrictions), lifting 2 days a week, 198 lbs and 36.7% bf. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17px;">Moving forward: Going back to 5 days a week lifting heavy things, because I MISS IT. Probably not much HIIT because I hate cardio, trying to eat more veggies, but otherwise ETF. I'm curious to see what happens. It feels like I didn't "lose" much progress wise on my month "off" and I lost very little strength on my lifting, so I'm happy. I'm on board with trying to do what makes me feel good, LISTENING to my body... all around, be it activity, exercise, food, everything.</span></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; display: inline; line-height: 17px;">The BIGGEST change? I have no problem strutting my stuff in the little mini dress, even though TECHNICALLY I'm only like 12 pounds less than in the first pic when I would NOT leave my house without a big jacket/hoodie on, even IN the gym, even when it was literally 115 degrees outside! My WHOLE attitude has changed.</span></span></b></div>
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I just realized that I will turn 42 next month! I am feeling so great physically (other than injuring myself so easily!!!)... I love where I'm at in my head, with my self esteem and body image. <b>I hope everyone can learn to love themselves if they haven't yet... it is an incredible feeling!</b></div>
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<br />byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-15142054588145931952013-05-24T08:58:00.000-07:002013-05-24T08:58:10.393-07:00Positive Thinking is changing the way I live my lifeA few years ago, I watched this interview with Will Smith. I really like him as an actor, and a lot of what he says resounds with the way I've always felt. A lot of what he had to say in this interview really stood out to me. I watched it a few times over the years, but could never really lift myself far enough out of my depression to really grasp the whole *positive thinking* thing enough to dig myself out of my whole world of negativity.<br />
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The separation between talent and skill... talent you're born with, skill is built with hours and hours and hours of work.</div>
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"I want the world to be better because I was here... if you're not making someone else's life better, then you're wasting your time"</div>
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"I want to represent possibilities... you really can make what you want."</div>
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"I believe that I can create whatever I want."</div>
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"The first step, before anyone else has to believe it is that YOU have to believe it."</div>
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<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">And my FAVORITE:</span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: blue; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">"Being realistic is the most commonly traveled road to mediocrity"</span></b></div>
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Anyway, I then started seeing things like "Bliss Boards" and "Dream Boards" and read about <b>making yourself a visual reminder of what your goals are.</b> I decided to apply it to all areas of my life. Well, MOST of them. I don't have THAT much space!<br />
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This is what I've come up with:<br />
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And its working!!! We're suddenly on the road to financial freedom in a way that has totally taken us by surprise, things are falling into place like we never imagined! Soon my husband will be able to give up the job that he is miserable in and we'll be able to not only get by, but flourish.</div>
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One of the things I wanted to do before my oldest boys were up and out of the house (they turn 17 & 18 this year and both graduate next year) was to get a swimming pool for the yard to give all the kids a reason to stick around more (yeah, so sue me, I'm becoming one of *those* moms who doesn't want her kids to leave!) Anyway, my husband found us a 30 foot pool for $600.00!!! Now we just have to put it up (stay tuned for pictures of THAT workout! :)</div>
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<li><b>The money is coming in and soon we'll be able to help people when they need it!</b></li>
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<li><b>I'm going to have more sexiness with my husband (thus all those sexy couple pics. I may even eventually add our own pics:)</b></li>
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<li><b>We'll be able to take our kids on a *real* vacation!</b></li>
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<li><b>We'll be able to pay our bills before they're due and without juggling to keep things turned on!</b></li>
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<li><b>Instead of visiting a food bank because we need food, we'll be visiting to give THEM food!</b></li>
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<li><b>(The Dodgeball reference) We'll be the winners that came out from the bottom, the ones that no one expected to ever win!</b></li>
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<li><b>I'm getting stronger and leaner all the time and lifting all the things!</b></li>
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<li><b>And a little bitty thing... I am going back to my white hair and cut (and probably some bright colors again!)</b></li>
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<b>One of the best parts is that my husband's new business</b> (buying 'broken' cars for cheap, fixing them himself and reselling them) <b>is bringing him and that boys closer. </b> They're actually working together and doing things together for the first time, really. Just the guys! (We have all always hung out as a family, but as far as just 'dad' time, its been more scarce!</div>
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<b><span style="color: purple; font-size: large;">AND... One of MY dreams is coming true... I'm studying to get my personal training certification, as well as getting some different group fitness certifications and its EXCITING to be able to get back into fitness as a paid job again! </span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: large;">What is on YOUR Dream Board?</span></b></div>
byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-71946950552840288562013-05-24T08:13:00.001-07:002013-05-24T08:19:57.594-07:00Progress is Progress: The Emotional Side of Eating, Appetite and Listening to Your Body<br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 17px;">I'm kind of at a standstill with visible progress, but I am working hard on my emotional progress... and that is a far bigger and harder thing for me. So,</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"> i</span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">n part because I'm trying to get over my self loathing issues, and in part because I AM getting over them... I'm going to take photos more often. Even if I have to do it before I've put a bra on or combed my hair. So there! </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">I am learning to love myself. Regardless of the scales. I'm going to use photos instead.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="line-height: 14px;">And maybe some day these photos will inspire me to finally do something with these bathroom walls! </span><span class="emoticon emoticon_smile" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/y-/r/C4N9eCQc_fR.png); background-position: 0px -719px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 16px; line-height: 14px; vertical-align: top; width: 16px;" title=":)"></span><span style="line-height: 14px;"> We removed most of the horrid metallic silver print paper and now I'm stuck with what to do!</span></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">I STILL can't see my biceps. I can feel them, though, and I can ALMOST see my triceps.</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">My arms are actually looking thinner than I thought! I am feeling good about myself today, because even though its perioding/PMS-y bloated time, I don't feel like I LOOK bloated. That's progress, people!</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;">I'm holding steady at 193-5 and just keeping on with the lifting, although I'm down to 2-3 times a week because being on my feet all freaking day at Ren Faire is wiping me OUT, but I'm still getting in there and lifting heavy. </span><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 17px;"><b>My food is good. I've taken off ALL restrictions with my eating and find that I am eating much better/healthier than I was before.</b> I don't worry about it if I am really craving something, I've found that wheat doesn't bother me, and I eat for what I know I need energy for. <b>Taking the five months off of grains helped me a lot.</b> It helped me figure out what I wanted, what I needed and I learned to *listen* to my body.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Q. So, did taking out grains allow you to reset your hunger cues???</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">A. It actually just KILLED my appetite completely for the last 5 months. COMPLETELY. I had to force myself to eat, which meant that I ONLY ate when I was REALLY hungry.<b> Not a great thing, but it did force me to actually pay attention. I had hated my weight gain so much that I had pretty much dissociated with my body altogether. I would seriously be near passing out before I realized I was hungry. It was kind of extreme, but it forced me to wake up, so to speak and pay attention!</b> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">THEN<b><span style="color: blue;"> I started being kind to myself instead of beating myself up</span></b>... and it all shifted. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>The weight lifting thing has been HUGE for me. </b> I always used to hate it and I'm not sure what changed, but I love it now. I love the way I can watch the numbers go up so easily. It is really really easy to track my progress and I LIKE that. <b> Its kind of bringing out my competitive side, but I'm just competing against myself!</b></span>byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-80146178881454294812013-05-21T07:41:00.001-07:002013-05-21T07:41:40.957-07:00Tornadoes and Devastating Loss in Oklahoma<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">We live in Oklahoma. Its been our home for most of the last 13 years. There are always tornado warnings and rarely is there massive destruction. Yesterday was horrific. Sitting, watching the news and checking radar, thinking that it was just another "oooh, the boogey man of tornadoes is coming" and not really worrying...</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">and then seeing the photos from Moore (two hours away from us) and then getting the updates on the schools and the children who didn't make it.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">I just sat here thinking that could have been my kids. Its apparently easy for people to just say "Well why didn't they leave/not have school/go tot he basement?" but there really aren't many basements around here. The ground isn't suitable for basements in general, at least that was what we were told when we first moved here. There are SOME, but its rare... and from what I've seen, the kids who died were IN a basement. (I haven't been able to read too many details yet, I get completely overwhelmed just beginning to read/look)</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">Even so, when you've lived here for a while, you just get used to the "TORNADO" aka "THE SKY IS FALLING" and pretty soon it just becomes chatter that you just don't worry about very much... I wish there was a way to distinguish between the people running around freaking out "OMG TORNADO" and "No, seriously, a really big f*cking tornado is coming and you need to go away, you should specifically leave and head west on I44 Right.the.hell.NOW."</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">I woke up after countless nightmares of losing my children to <a href="http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2328000/Oklahoma-tornado-2013-7-children-drowned-Plaza-Towers-Elementary-school-Moore.html" target="_blank">this page up on the computer</a>. I can't imagine the strength it takes to be one of those people who are doing the search and rescue. I can't imagine what it would be like to know that you're just going to recover those little children who didn't make it.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">I'm not going to have much to say today about fitness or nutrition. Just appreciate what you have, love those around you and if there is any way to help anyone around you who needs it, do so.</span>byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-18878728041943187362013-05-15T09:47:00.001-07:002013-05-15T09:47:19.568-07:00Weight, Size, Self Image... Now & Then<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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For shits and giggles, I looked up my BMI. Because I have so much muscle, I knew it would show me as overweight, but I was surprised to see that it considers me not only OBESE, but I'll have to lose FIFTEEN more pounds before I'm "just" overweight. I have always found the BMI scale to be ridiculous, and this is just affirmation. I may be overweight, but the hell if I'm obese. <b>Bitch, please!</b></div>
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Anyway... it just made me shake my head.</div>
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Speaking of "weight"<b> I BENCHED 100 pounds TEN TIMES last night!!!</b> I had to take it back down to 95 for my last two sets of ten, but it was pretty much supersets with less than 10 seconds rest, so I was going to TOWN, baby!!! Actually, I saw that the guy had left weights on the bar and I forgot that the bar weighs 45lbs, so I was thinking I'd just do a warm up set. When I lifted it, I thought, "Damn, this feels heavier than 55lbs!" and it wasn't until half way through the set that I remembered the bar weight :) I thought I was being a total weak ass.</div>
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<b>So now I'm up to 100 lbs for at least one set of ten in dead lifts, lat pull downs, cable rows and bench press</b><i> (probably decline bench, too, but I'm not sure)</i><b>. </b></div>
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<b><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">I feel SO STRONG, PEOPLE!!!</span></b></div>
</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 19px; text-align: left;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 19px; text-align: left;">I found this skirt in my closet and posted an old pic on facebook. Friends were saying, "wow, you've lost weight!" and then I had to say... um, no. Old pic. Anyway, then I was curious as to how different I'd look in it now. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiLj9OOcGeZKW01VTT3MlywD91DVOHW_wFPDpmCY6ABOMnzfWoOfU5Zq5opN3HObhHhQMITdtFssE7NPkqb9zZlB0ssMi923ZkyOLR9De64ZIJhSrmedaXYqhQG-pXgXQrDSr93BWcnIE/s1600/beforeandnow.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiLj9OOcGeZKW01VTT3MlywD91DVOHW_wFPDpmCY6ABOMnzfWoOfU5Zq5opN3HObhHhQMITdtFssE7NPkqb9zZlB0ssMi923ZkyOLR9De64ZIJhSrmedaXYqhQG-pXgXQrDSr93BWcnIE/s320/beforeandnow.jpg" width="229" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">The photo on the right is from January, 2011. I weighed around 140 pounds (I'm 5'5") and was wanting to lose 'those last ten pounds', but I was happy with my body. I was teaching pump & Zumba, working out 5 times a week and eat</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 18px;">ing clean at least 80% of the time.<br /><br />In June of that year, after an INCREDIBLY stressful few weeks, I suddenly started gaining weight like crazy, in spite of no changes to my workout routine or my eating habits.<br /><br />Less than a year later, I had gained 70 pounds and I was miserable, exhausted, my joints ached and I just felt like crying ALL THE TIME. After trying everything I could think of, I finally started trying the medical route. I had no insurance, so it was hit and miss. I was patronized and treated horribly by some doctors. Some doctors refused to test my thyroid because they were convinced that I just needed "to exercise more and stop eating junk". THEY WOULD NOT HEAR ME.<br /><br />After another 9-10 months of searching, I finally found a doctor who listened... actually listened and he put me on Armour thyroid medicine. The weight did not drop off, BUT all of the other symptoms disappeared. My joints stopped hurting, the unbearable fatigue stopped and I had the most important thing... HOPE.<br /><br />I have been working out since mid January and I am getting back to it. I am still 50 pounds heavier in the second photo than I am in the first, but I am on my way, and this time my strength is the goal, not being "thin". Because I'm building muscle this time around, I don't think I'll get back to the old look exactly... I'm hoping for some muscles in those arms! I want the biceps and shoulders... and I am on my way!</span>byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-28059527508367302192013-05-03T09:28:00.000-07:002013-05-03T09:28:14.592-07:00Listen To Your Body. One of Many Light Bulb Moments as I Learn to Live, Eat and Move (and Lift Heavy Things! :)<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">EPIPHANY TIME: I do not know it all. *gasp*</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">As you may know, I've been sick this week. I laid in bed almost SOLID (couldn't even sit up without feeling like I would pass out/my head would explode) for two whole days and nights. I didn't feel hungry at ALL and only ate a cup or two of my Greek yogurt each day around mid-afternoon,<i> when I remembered that food existed, </i>and most of the time I slept. <b>Towards the end of day two, I started craving oranges.</b> </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><b>ORANGES??? What? My FIRST ingrained reaction? I told myself I didn't need that many carbs/sugars/whatever because all I had been laying around doing nothing.</b></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;" /><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /><b>Then I realized that I was still in the habit of gut reaction thinking that food was a "treat" or something that I earned.</b> Instead, I listened to my body and asked my husband to get me some oranges... then added in a little bit of a panic, "OR just some Vitamin C!" (Yeah, I'm still not quite there!) </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">He replied with, "Oranges, they're better for you." He knows allll about my brain and my issues with food, so he brought me oranges. Over the next couple of hours, I ate three. THREE. And it was okay, and that was a big deal (yeah, I've struggled for decades with disordered thinking when it comes to food and my body image!). I savored each one and it was like I'd never even tasted an orange before. <b> I could almost hear my body saying, "THERE'S what I'm talking about!"</b> :)<br /><br />Then, when my 15 yo daughter came to me and said,<b><i> "I'm not feeling well (my same symptoms), I know I HAVE TO eat, but I'm not hungry. What should I eat?"</i></b> </span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">I was able to say... <b>"Listen to your body. If you're not hungry, don't eat. Your body knows what it wants. Just rest when you feel tired, and when you're hungry, we'll get you something to eat. Keep water by your bed, keep at least sipping on it and let me know if you need anything." </b><br /><br />I slept through the night and woke up feeling at least half way normal. Yesterday I ate yogurt again, an apple and almond butter, a little bit of steak AND had another orange. My appetite was back at least a little bit!</span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;"><br /></span>
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 17px;">And my daughter woke up craving... Oranges. :)<br /><br /><b>Silly emotions and preconceived notions. Our bodies know what they need. Start listening. Stop blocking that voice because of what you're heard/read or because of what you think you know!</b></span>byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-38897566675376116562013-04-09T09:15:00.002-07:002013-04-09T09:15:54.151-07:00Going Forward... the 2nd 12 Weeks of my transformation.<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">My 42nd birthday is July 23rd... I have Goals to reach by then!</span></b></div>
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That will be just a little bit past my second "12 Week" mark. I have some goals that I want to meet, but mostly I want to make some new changes and habits.<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>During my first 12 weeks, I wanted to (A) Lose Fat & (B) Get Healthier.</b></span></div>
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<b>I managed to:</b><br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>Stop drinking alcohol (once a month instead of every night)</li>
<li>Stop eating grains (a 6 month goal, at which point I will gradually add them back in to see what/if anything bothers me digestive-wise)</li>
<li>Eat "Clean" six days a week (The main change for ME: cut out grains, sugar & artificial sweeteners)</li>
<li>Eat more protein</li>
<li>Celebrate one cheat meal/day a week as I felt I needed it (sometimes I ended up with a day of noshing on this or that, but most often I had one treat for the day and that was plenty!)</li>
<li>Workout with weights at least 4 days a week, usually 5-6</li>
<li>Increase my strength a LOT!</li>
<li>Start falling asleep by 10:00 instead of 1 or 2 am!!! (this was HUGE!!!)</li>
<li>Start taking my supplements & vitamins regularly</li>
<li>accomplish a daily fitness/workout challenge every day each month</li>
<li>I've lost 17 pounds, went from 41% body fat to 35.7% AND lost lost of inches (around 20)</li>
<li>I have more energy, more focus and feel MUCH more comfortable in my own skin.</li>
</ol>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>During my second 12 Weeks, I would like to add a few new habits:</b></span></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><b>Try carb cycling</b></li>
<li><b>Eat a LOT more fresh vegetables</b> (spring is in the air!)</li>
<li><b>Add in Cardio three times a week</b> (starting with SMALL doses with HIIT on the bike & elliptical)</li>
<li><b>Keep up the weight lifting, keep up the challenges and clean eating</b></li>
<li><b>Lose another 17-24 pounds of fat, get down to 30% body fat & lose more inches!!!</b></li>
<li><b>Find a better way to deal with stress</b></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<b><i>Non fitness related, but because I finally have energy and better focus:</i></b></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Paint something each week</li>
<li>Work on my script formatting at least a few times a week</li>
<li>Do something special, specifically for my husband each week</li>
<li>Have a family dinner once a week</li>
<li>Spend time with the kids doing something physical at least weekly</li>
</ul>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>I will also start posting my workouts here at least when they change. </b></div>
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<br />byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-8144402110652066062013-04-05T10:21:00.001-07:002013-04-05T10:43:08.272-07:00Measurements... I've lost 19 inches. Damn.Well, I went to take pictures today... even though its still over a week away from my 'scheduled' 30 day progress pictures. I mainly wanted to do it because I have been FEELING so different. I've been feeling like I'm a lot less "fluffy" and I know I"m gaining more muscle and feeling stronger.<br />
<br />
Anyway, the photos didn't impress me compared to last month's photos. I didn't see ANY changes, and what I did see just depressed me. I am still depressed that I've gotten this far off track. THEN I went and compared them to my STARTING or "before" pictures. That was a little more impressive:<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEHfUb1f7ZviV5ZxyFn6xOxNQa1P8t7L5U2ZXXha7ij-0potZsp7iIxMBA-mZZmz6TWYows-l_cv9n3FP3t8vr_HJ6htO5gMI7wSKkabwDPvHKNT6oqfJbXNQRcEy8kMmQ2ZT6tzQrCSM/s1600/Collage-2013-01-11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="247" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEHfUb1f7ZviV5ZxyFn6xOxNQa1P8t7L5U2ZXXha7ij-0potZsp7iIxMBA-mZZmz6TWYows-l_cv9n3FP3t8vr_HJ6htO5gMI7wSKkabwDPvHKNT6oqfJbXNQRcEy8kMmQ2ZT6tzQrCSM/s320/Collage-2013-01-11.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm not estatic, but I am proud of the fact that I AM changing my body and getting to where I like it more! I'm more comfortable in my skin... and that's saying a LOT!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
ANYWAY, thankfully I took my measurements BEFORE I looked at the pictures<i> (because that was a bit depressing for me to see, even with the changes, I don't like looking at myself that closely!)</i>. I've lost a little over 19 inches. It isn't quite THAT amazing, because for SOME odd reason that I can't explain, the last time I measured, I had gained inches in a lot of places, even though I had lost weight. I don't know...<br />
<br />
Here are my measurements:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoI6mw-GIgqrpqn2TPn2Hk96iohBk7cJwWpllcNv7REZBwbdlCJZJVSa6iwj0sWV46rhLafDoxCz2LeJ17NEwotDlBbGps8WiaWrBNPVax-ifSF66iNUZqJSLzF1RQCM67TUy-vw3S0ns/s1600/measurements-2013-04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="255" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoI6mw-GIgqrpqn2TPn2Hk96iohBk7cJwWpllcNv7REZBwbdlCJZJVSa6iwj0sWV46rhLafDoxCz2LeJ17NEwotDlBbGps8WiaWrBNPVax-ifSF66iNUZqJSLzF1RQCM67TUy-vw3S0ns/s320/measurements-2013-04.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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My body fat % has gone down a lot as well, and I can definitely FEEL a difference. My weight is going down... and honestly, I'm not hitting it as hard as I could as far as fat loss. For me, quitting grains and quitting drinking was a HUGE, huge thing. I'm glad that I've quit and it doesn't have a hold on me. I have to see that as a HUGE victory. At the end of my 3 months, I want to regroup and plan to get serious about the HIIT cardio and then I'm sure I'll see faster changes.<br />
<br />
<b><i>For now, I'm going to be okay with slower fat loss (than I expected) because <u>I'm THRILLED with the strength training.</u> <u>I'm thrilled that I'm gaining muscles and getting stronger.</u> I'm amazed to see the fat coming off without losing much of anything else. I'm happy with my progress, I just have to remind myself of that every once in a while. I'm not one of the "12 week body transformation" type winners this time. Its okay to do what I can, because I AM DOING A LOT!!!</i></b><br />
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I really hope that I can get to a place in the next two months where I am happy to put on a swim suit, but that's not my be all, end all goal. I want to make this a habit that I do even when I don't *feel* like it. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b>I want this to just be my routine.</b></span></div>
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I'm going to get better about posting my workouts. I promise!!! I'm increasing in strength, I'm adding new workouts, its awesome. I FEEL like I should be seeing more of a change, but for now, I'm feeling good about the changes that I do see. <br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<ul>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I can lift more</span></b></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't feel so sore that I can't move for days anymore</span></b></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I am sleeping well at night... </span></b></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">My clothes are fitting better</span></b></li>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">I don't feel all bloated and gross like I did most of the time before... </span></b></li>
</ul>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: magenta; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">its GOOD. I'm making PROGRESS.</span></b></div>
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Now I just have to work on my emotional self!byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-8802896397058145312013-04-04T17:01:00.000-07:002013-04-04T17:01:09.647-07:00I LOVE Weight Lifting!!!<br />
I'm improving!!! I did 95# on the decline bench press tonight... I was struggling, but I did 3 sets of ten! That's 20# up from my last time. My husband pushes me so much more than I would push myself!<br />
<br />
We got to the dumb bell flyes and K. started with 25# and gave up. He absolutely couldn't do it, so I gave him 20# and he said he couldn't do it. So I went and did 10 with the 20# and suddenly he decided he COULD do it after all. He's SO funny. Seriously, he's SO comical, between the two of us and our sarcastic sense of humor... it would make a funny show :) Anyway, I did 3 sets of 10 with the 20# and was barely sweating it, so Kainan had to finish off with two last sets using the 25#. I gave him such a hard time... he's a good sport about it, thankfully :)<br />
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**I think that maybe I shouldn't have said, "Why don't I feel sore anymore when I work out?" this morning when talking to my hubby.<br />
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My arms feel a LOT less 'squishy', even though I haven't been able to do but maybe one bicep/tricep workout in the last MONTH due to my elbow. I think my shoulders are getting more defined, though, and that is helping a bit. I feel STRONG. I LOVE IT. I love the feeling of lifting weights, especially when I go up in weight from one week to the next. I love it when suddenly something that felt really hard one week suddenly feels easy... I just feel so much more... OOMPH than I have before. <br />
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I LOVED doing Zumba and teaching classes. I loved working up into a big sweaty dripping mess, and I hope to teach again, because encouraging others was awesome as well... but weight lifting is such a different beast. I am really surprised at how much I like it. I can do it when I am pissed off, I can do it when I'm happy, I can do it whenever and I can FORCE myself to do it and still push myself. Its just DIFFERENT. I'm so SO glad that I started.<br />
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I need to post here more and post more updated photos. I'm seeing changes in ways that I've never seen before. I'm VERY curious to see how this plays out...<br />
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If anyone is reading and has questions, let me know! I'm hoping to keep updating here at least twice a week. I am lifting weights 6 days a week this month and getting maybe 2 sessions of HIIT of about 15-20 minutes each week... at best. I must say, I'm really slacking on the cardio!<br />
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Find me on my <a href="http://www.facebook.com/FitspirationOver40" target="_blank">Fitspiration Over 40 Facebook Page</a> for Daily Challenges and updates!<br />
byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6290911232868246649.post-81782838450965340712013-02-20T10:35:00.003-08:002013-02-20T10:35:36.684-08:00Hormones. Menopause. Moods...<br />
Here's a little reality break: I've been watching "That 70's Show" in the evenings before bed (Insomnia is a bitch, I tell ya). Mainly because its light fare and I don't have to worry about it being so engrossing that I can't get to sleep. I half watch, half play solitaire until I can't stay awake/think anymore.<br />
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HOWEVER, the menopause story line with Kitty is really hard to find funny, although I suppose its probably funny to watch me watching it because I'm about to kick someone's ass. Red going, "Come on, Kitty, its time for a nap" when she's having a meltdown is making me want to punch my fist through the laptop. <br />
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I don't know. Perhaps I may be dealing with some hormonal issues myself.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/U3of9VoChY8" width="560"></iframe><br />
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I find myself alternating between, OMG, this is so funny how much I'm overreacting to this to *sob* THIS ISN'T FUNNY, DAMN IT!!! Asshole men and their lack of having to deal with all this emotional and hormonal bullshit I WISH I WAS A LESBIAN!!! Except then I'd have to deal with a hysterical woman at the same time that I* am a hysterical woman and ITS NOT FAIR. OMG, I must be hormonal. Why am I CRYING over this? Its just a stupid show and RED! STOP TREATING YOUR SON LIKE SHIT. YOU'RE THE DUMBASS!!! MEN ARE SO STUPID. My husband is so patient. Holy shit. How does he put up with me... OMG, Kitty, I totally understand! A remote is supposed to WORK! That's all it DOES! Then I cheer none too quietly as she throws the 'clicker' on the floor and stomps on it. I'm really surprised that the show isn't making me want to drink.<br />
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And to think, I was thinking of watching this show WITH my kids. Maybe not so much. http://youtu.be/U3of9VoChY8byntheredonethathttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05322239009459413242noreply@blogger.com0